Welcome to the blog series “Here’s to You, Stellar Parent” where we celebrate incredible parent figures from all walks of life and happenstance who have shaped, molded, and been in our corner to raise and support us for the better.
There is no one shoe that fits all in parenting and this space is to showcase the importance of parenting, to better learn from and be inspired by them, and to be reminded of their role that deserves to be celebrated.
Today I am happy to share my interview with none other than my dear cousin, Tania Blommaert Grumbles.
Tania is the mother of four children and two kids with four legs. Kaden her eldest is sixteen, Hailey is fourteen, Tyler is twelve, and Ashton is nine.
Tania is married to her husband Neal, is a stay at home Mom, and taught piano for several years but since the Covid pandemic has stopped for the time being.
Tania’s hobbies are playing the organ in church, playing the piano, she love to sing, loves to decorate and one of her dreams would be to be an interior decorator or a decorator for businesses, she also loves to paint or do crafts or anything creative, she loves to cross stitch and she’s even done some personal cross-stitches for family and friends, plus it became her therapy during Covid especially as my kids were doing school from home. Tania also loves finding fun things for her and her kids to do like going to the movies, concerts, plays, she absolutely loves the arts. She also loves food, reading, going out with girlfriends, and loves games: card games, board games, all the games!
One fun fact about Tania is that one day when her Dad answered the phone, one of her friends was on the line, and he then yelled out, “Tanipoo it’s for you!” And so this friend thought it was so funny and told everyone at school. Even to this day, Tanipoo has been her nickname, and has even become a part of her email. It’s a cute fact about herself that started out as being embarrassed but she later came to embrace.
Some of Tania’s favorite shows right now are Heartland, This Is Us, Amazing Race, and Sweet Magnolias.
Some of Tania’s favorite movies would be Just like Heaven, Steel Magnolias and Beaches – they’re cherished movies that her and her sister Monique share, 13 Going on 30, Devil Wears Prada, Miss Congeniality, pretty much anything with Sandra Bullock, Julia Roberts, Reese Witherspoon, Anne Hathaway, but overall she just loves movies. She’s a movie-aholic! Woman after my own heart.
The following is my interview with Tania, which was an absolute joy to take part in, and I hope you will enjoy and learn from it as I did. 
One of Tania’s family cross-stitch creations of her own family.
How do you measure success in your role as a parent?
My measure of success is in those moments when your children will come to you and trust you with something really personal. When they have chosen to come and trust me enough to share with me, ask for advice, and get hugs. That’s the way I measure success when I’m the one that they’ll still come to and entrust.
Also for myself, another form of success is knowing that my kids know that they are children of a loving Heavenly Father and to have their own testimony of that. I feel that as long as they have that in their life and can pray through any situation, I feel like that would be the best thing for them. It’ll give them extra confidence in who they are and to be reminded of their worth.
How has being a parent changed or shaped who you are personally? How has it changed or shaped, Tania?
Oh my gosh that’s a deep question! But I think it’s made me a very empathetic, compassionate person towards others. Especially having special needs children, it’s not something I can properly describe in words, but it’s made me more aware of and to actively reach out to others, understand, and love others on a deeper level.
Before it may have been easy for me to be judgmental or I may have not gone out of my way to help. So it has changed and shaped me into being a more giving, loving individual towards others.
So it’s helped you to see past a face-value situation?
Yes, I think so. Plus I was very shy as a kid, I’m not anymore. I feel like being a parent I cannot be shy as I advocate for my kids constantly or even advocate for myself, like when my kids are melting down in an airport. I can’t be in my shell, I have to be able to speak up for myself and for my children.
I’ve had to learn how to do that without being offensive towards others, being tactful and being a problem-solver. I’ve gained a bold, yet empathetic confidence.
Who have been positive influences in your life towards how you strive to parent?
There have honestly been so many throughout my life as I grew up and as I’ve lived in so many different places that I’ve been able to watch their examples. All of the parenting examples in my life have been those I’ve been able to seek advice from or who I’ve watched from a distance that have been a huge help and support for me.
But the more I think about it, the more I know that the person who has been the most influential example and the driving force throughout my life has been our Oma. Through her life and her boldness she built a refuge and she left a mark. Because of her faith and the things that she stood for, she lived by that and was a great example to me. I want to be like her in manys ways, and just with how she loved and nurtured people that came into her life.
She influenced me in so many ways and encouraged me with my piano playing, she helped me with my health when I was struggling and helped me gain energy and focus in school, she helped me financially towards my serving a mission, she wrote me letters religiously, and challenged me to read the scriptures. She stood for what was right and was a strong woman. I’ve always wanted to be like her because she’s just so awesome!
Can you tell us at least one special thing about each of your children?
I would love to talk about my four gingers!
Kaden loves to create his own beats and rap. He’s rapped at school assemblies and at a wedding, and people call him Little G or Little Grumbles at school. He’s participating in running start which is very difficult and is in track and field right now. He was swimming, he did football and basketball, and cross country. He’s a driven, active, talented young man. He has really become his own person and is just a great, fun kid.
Hailey loves to read, she reads a ton. She wants to be a doctor, she’s always wanted to, and I truly believe she could, she’s very smart. She plays volleyball now too. She’s a little Mama to all of her brothers, but especially towards Ashton. He absolutely adores her! They have a cute relationship. She’s also in dance, plays the violin, she’s in her school orchestra, is a straight A student, and she loves to gloat about it. Hailey works hard and she is so self-motivated. She has a lot of gifts, but one that is so amazing is the kind of friend that she is towards everyone. She is mindful towards and reaches out to a lot of people who others wouldn’t reach out to, or people will reach out to her because of how empathetic she is.
Tyler is my ADHD wonder! He surprises me all the time and is not your typical kid with typical things that he would say. I don’t know how to describe him, he’s just a crazy surprise child that keeps me guessing. I’ve put him in lots of different activities that he ended up quitting, but then he got into hockey, absolutely loved it, and was playing great, but then Covid happened, and when we put him in the last camp he said he was done which was too bad. Tyler also loves science, cooking, swimming, playing video games, is very creative and loves to take things apart and build things. Even though he can be the crazy one, he’s also the sensitive one where when he sees a need he’ll take care of the person.
The sweet, sweet thing about my kids is they may beat the trash out of each other at home, like normal kids, but when we’re in public and if anyone messes with any of them, they’ll immediately stand up for them firmly. They’ll protect each other come what may!
Ashton is pretty amazing and has the funniest sense of humor. He’ll cling to a toy or a little buddy and that will be his friend until the next friend comes along. He’ll bring it everywhere, talk to it, play with it, he’ll put it to bed at night, and it’s his buddy. He has his friends at school too and his amazing respite care worker who he’s very attached to, and his para, who was his caregiver, he’s very attached to her too. He loves swimming, video games, bowling, music, and singing. We make a joke that we don’t need a stereo in the car because he sings. He gets stuck on the same song for a few months. First it was “Shiny” from Moana and now it’s “The Family Madrigal” from Encanto. He wants to listen to it again, and again, and again. It’s not easy to raise him, he’s had his share of outbursts that I’ve ended up getting a black eye from him headbutting me. But because of having Smith Lemli Opitz Syndrome, which is a genetic condition where the person doesn’t have enough cholesterol for their development, there’s been many learning lessons. He’s made leaps and bounds with his speech and communication which has been amazing. He went from being pretty much non-verbal to talking so much better. He’s still a bit hard to understand but it’s so much more functional in our life and at school because he can speak for himself. His progress has been so great to see.
I often feel as a Mom it can be easy to be the nagging Mom with everything that the kids need to remember, or do, or get done. So I remember the day that Hailey came home and showed me she had straight A’s, I immediately dropped what I was doing, got respite care for Ashton, and I took her out to celebrate this exciting thing she had accomplished.
I don’t want my kids to remember the naggy Mom. I want them to remember that when they did great things that their Mom showed them that they mattered and that they were always loved by their Mom.
What is one aspect of parenting that you feel is sometimes overlooked or undervalued?
Everything. There’s many times I feel very unappreciated, by the world and by my kids. It’s been an emotional battle for me.
I could not have had a job because there’s been many times that I would’ve had to go out on a whim, like if Ashton has a tantrum and won’t get on a bus, or another kid needs something, or any number of things come up. So I feel like getting a job wouldn’t help my family because I need to be on call. I feel like in the world being a stay at home Mom is not number one and is kind of frowned upon now. If you’re not out working and achieving, society looks at you differently.
That has made for a journey to work on myself, work on my confidence, and be able to stand up for myself and what I believe is right. Especially with my children’s needs, they need me and even though I feel unappreciated by my kids sometimes, I know that I’m in the best place and that they need me for them to feel safe and secure at home.
The meals, the doctor visits, the meal planning and shopping, the endless house work, taking care of the dogs, and all of that, I think it’s overlooked how many things need to be done in the home. It’s an endless, demanding role.
You’re the brain for everyone else that makes your family’s world go round.
Yes! Sometimes I don’t know where to begin when there’s so much to be taken care of and be done. One morning in particular, I had to go run an errand, but then I couldn’t go run the errand because my car was such a mess that I wouldn’t have room to put in groceries. So I had to hurry and clean out the car.
I remember feeling a little angry over the wrappers, fishy crackers, bags, bottles, and all the rest, wondering why they couldn’t clean up after themselves. I was getting pretty upset, but then there was a moment where I was strongly impressed with a thought from the Holy Ghost that said, “You’re the glue. You’re the glue that pieces everything together. You do have purpose and everything you do does matter.”
I wrote that and put it on my wall, because I needed that reminder that the things I do are not in vain, and that even though my kids don’t realize all of the things I do or attempt to do, one day years from now they may come to know how much I invested in them and really did care for them.
What is one piece of advice that you’ve been given that has helped you the most in parenting?
There’s so much, but I remember at a baby shower, everyone was writing down some advice and putting it in a jar. One of the notes that stood out the most out of everything else that was shared was to trust your Mother’s intuition, because you will know your child best.
That has served me so many times. There’s so many books and so many ways of parenting, but when it comes down to it you know your child and what is best for them. Trusting your own intuition and knowing what is best for your child is so, so crucial and good to know.
Another came from a time where I felt like I was drowning and in a really tough spot, but I came across this quote in a piece of Dollar Store decor that read, “Live one day at a time.” I still have it in my home to this day. It’s so simple but that, along with Dory’s line “Just keep swimming.”, have both helped my perspective and my sanity. As well as to take in the time I have with my kids, cause it really does go by so fast.
Also another came from a Time Out For Women Event I was at, they had challenged some women to find holiness in every moment. This one Mom had triplets and one of the things that stressed her out was getting her kids ready to go and into their car seats, because it was a big to do. She chose that week that she would have holiness while she put her babies in their carseats. So she looked at each of them, sang to them, said I love you, gave them kisses, or tickled them, and this was so mind-shifting for me.
How often do we yell at our kids or get frustrated or get stressed out about everything? I really do try to find holiness in every moment and remind myself to pace myself. I try to make sure that I’m there for my kids so that I can talk with them, be there for them, spend time with them, and if they have a hard day I can talk them through it. It’s about giving them time and attention.
Also when my kids have ticked me off or are driving me crazy, I have promised myself that instead of getting mad and letting crap hit the fan, to grab my camera. There’s two reasons for this, first when you grab your camera it gives you time to calm down, and second when you take the picture of the moment at hand you can either show it at their wedding some day or when I’m an old lady I can remind myself of those moments and giggle about it because I’m not dealing with it at that moment.
I think that it has been my sanity keeper to stop and take the picture, because it’s more than just a picture, it’s the process of calming down so that I don’t get upset. Plus I have some pretty crazy pictures of my kids, which is entertaining.
Oh and rolling with the punches. It’s better to be late somewhere than to hurt your child’s feelings, or whatever else. And try to be resilient in the moment.
I also believe, and this is something that I’ve been trying to learn, that self-care is number one! That’s another reason I’ve chosen to continue to be a stay at home Mom because during the time my kids are away maybe I choose to get a pedicure, take a nap, go to a movie on my own, or be able to get groceries leisurely, and plan things out so that I don’t have depletion. I was diagnosed with adrenal fatigue and I had to heal from that. I had to get a naturopath, go to counseling, and take some meds. So I’ve had to really work on taking care of myself.
It’s just like when you’re on the airplane and they advise you that in case of an emergency and the oxygen masks drop that you’re supposed to put a mask on yourself first before helping anyone else. At first you might think that you’re being selfish, when really you can’t help anyone else if you’re unconscious or dead.
It’s my job and my responsibility if I’m struggling in any way to get healthy, take care of myself, and figure it out. I want to be present as a Mother now and as a Grandmother in the future, and I can only do that if I’m mindful of my needs and take care of myself. It can be hard to do sometimes when you’re so busy, but I think that it’s so, so important to prioritize. 
A few of Tania’s photos inspired by her “grab the camera” mindset.
Out of everything you teach your children, what are some of the most important lessons you hope they’ll carry with them throughout their lives?
Honestly I want my kids to be kind. I want them to be the kind of people that when they see someone having a difficult time of any kind, that they will be loving and compassionate. If my kids are the kind kids, I would mark that as a success because nothing else at the end of the day really matters.
Having that kind of mindset and heart would really set them up for the rest of their lives.
Yes, I believe that too. And I do have a strong desire for all of them, including Ashton, to be as educated as possible, because as long as they are learning and developing, getting degrees and things like that, they’ll be set up for the future financially and mentally. I really feel that being educated provides confidence, finding out who they are, and what they can give back.
Amidst the demands and roles of life, how do you take time to care for yourself?
I’ve learned to say no. I’ve been a yes person for so long that it makes me so busy and so overwhelmed that I feel like a chicken with its head cut off. I don’t think that’s how God intends for us to be.
So I think it’s good to have accomplished a lot, but I think that by saying no we are then saying yes to the things that really are important. There’s times when I was the yes person that I felt my kids were neglected too much. I think by saying no you’re being intentional and living as your best self.
What is one piece of advice you want to emphasize for new parents?
Thinking over this question I keep thinking back on what I would tell myself as a new parent. It would have been to relax a lot more, I was so focused on being a parent and doing everything perfect that I think that that was what made me so stressed and not willing to stop and smell the roses more often.
I think sometimes we run faster than we can walk and then we miss out on the simple joys of things. The age and stage of having babies and toddlers with the cuddles, napping with them, and slowing down by enjoying each other is so crucial. Giving that love and attention is far more important.
Even taking time to stop and really think why your kid is upset and maybe cancel plans, instead of trying to feel like you have to keep going and doing everything. You have to look at what’s going on and care about what’s going on to realize that maybe it’s not a good time to do something, and make the right decision for your child and you, and not caring what other people say. I think sticking to routines and allowing change to take shape with the child’s seasons and live in that season with them, instead of expecting different things from them.
Oftentimes, and this is my mental illness coming in, but I’ll get stressed because I’m looking at the big picture instead of looking at what’s in the moment right now. I think if we look at our here and now, like looking at a pie and eating only a piece at a time, that’s what parenting is.
You teach them a little at a time and it’s a journey. You’re living in today, you need to seize today, and then recognize what is important today and do that. It’s a day at a time, a piece at a time type of mindset.
Focusing on what’s in your control and what the right next thing or step is.
Right, exactly. And being a new parent is so funny because it brings a lot of inadequate feelings and not knowing what you’re doing. But I think again it’s about enjoying the moments and not stressing over the little things. Just learn day by day, minute by minute.
Also another link of advice, is try to just finish things, like if you started the dishes, finish the dishes. It might sound silly, but sometimes your brain piles up on all the things that need to get done, but take a step back, make a little, little list of what needs to be done, and one by one complete it.
Also train your kids to do little chores like putting their dirty clothes in the laundry hamper, to hang up their coats and backpacks, etc. They are more than capable.
What is one piece of advice you want to give to struggling parents?
I am a struggling parent, but seriously I think parenting is so hard. I’ve had people say to me how I don’t have a normal load on my plate because of my kids’ different special needs. But I think everyone has a plate and I think what we bring to that is important too.
So I’m sure there are those that may not be religious reading this, but I do turn to God a lot in my parenting. Because they are His kids and He’s trusted me with them. So I’ve prayed and asked for help on countless occasions, with the more serious matters and with the fine details of my child’s lives.
But there are also so many resources. I don’t think there is “the answer” in one book, but I do think there are answers in reading books. We can have “a-ha” moments from that and from going to parenting classes, talking to different parents, turning to counselors for yourself and for your kids, reaching out to and leaning on your trusted community.
I think you have to look outside of the box for answers for your kids. You do have the power to change your life, but there is also a great need to allow people to help and serve you as well.
Like not long after we moved to where we are now, I felt impressed that I needed to take the kids to the library that night. And it just kept coming to my mind that I needed to take them. So simple and I felt like it was a bit silly. Plus my kids came home crying and fighting, absolute hot messes. But still I was determined to take them to the library.
So we went and there was this piece of paper that showed where everything was and what was going on, and it showed that there was a sensory time/story time program and it was for kids with special needs. It was a half an hour away but I knew I needed to take my kids. It was the best thing for Ashton!
While we were there we came in contact with a woman from SEAS, they’re a placement program that basically helps families like mine that put you in coordination with everyone you need like therapists and what not. I told her what all was going on in our family and she said, “Oh honey you need help!” So she pointed us in the right direction, what forms we needed to fill out, and now we never really need to worry and it has been such a relief having that extra help for our family.
It also has allowed Neal and I to go out for date night every Friday, which has been so good for our marriage, and I know that Heavenly Father’s hand has always been a part of my life and sometimes we need to tap into that more and rely on Him more and not try to do it all on our own.
When things get tough with my kids, I know I need to stop and say a prayer to know what my kids’ needs are and how to best help them. Even if I don’t always get immediate answers, I am given the strength or the calm or the peace to know that it’s ok. I think parenting is very hard, but I think there’s big rewards and blessings from it.
One of our family traditions is on Sunday’s, we’ll often sandwich our kids together on our couch and call it our family sandwich where Neal and I are the buns and the kids are the meat, cheese, and other condiments. Then we’ll take pictures, cuddle, and it’s made for many fond memories, but sometimes I need to jump off so I don’t get punched in the nose. But I really believe that creating your own family memories is very important and trying to find joy along the journey. 
What has proven to be most effective in how you raise and nurture your children?
Keeping calm in stressful situations. I’m not always the best at that but if you keep grounded you get better outcomes. Being able to just breathe, take deep breaths. I’ve learned that the best teaching moments are when my kids have calmed down, even if it’s a day later.
Being mindful of your teaching moments and doing it in a calm, happy space, but being sure to revisit it and don’t let anything bypass, because when you can have that teaching moment it’s amazing how surprised you can be at how well they listen. Also, be an example to your child. A lot of what they’ll learn and do is from what you do and say.
It’s also easy for us as parents to feel inadequate or feel like we’re failing, but remembering that we have a fresh start and a fresh day to love ourselves and love our children that brings an opportunity to try better and even set a little goal for ourselves to help see us through.
What has been the most difficult part of parenting thus far?
My challenges with my kids have been the behaviors from their diagnosis. The best case scenario obviously is when my husband and I are united in our parenting and how we parent, versus when we’re not, that is hard.
And I am personally just learning to take a step back when my kids make their own choices and allow them to make those choices and have their own failures and mistakes. But it’s important because that’s how they’ll gain experiences, learn the hard things, and gain the most from those.
In order for them to be on their own later in life, you need to allow them to go through those journey’s that lead to their independence.
What has been the most rewarding part of parenting?
I think when your kids get A’s in school, or write their name on their own, or accomplish things and hone in on the things that they love to do. Seeing their personalities come out and see their progress is exciting.
Also to have that bond and relationship with your kids is amazing, family is such a blessing and it is so great to have each other.
Something I learned pretty early on in our marriage was when we were traveling around a lot for Neal’s work, was that it taught me that everything is materialistic but home is literally my family. It’s wherever Neal and my kids are, that’s home. It doesn’t matter where we are or where we’re living, it’s us and we need to be close knit and have each other’s back.
If you could go back to when you first became a parent, what would be one thing that you would say to yourself?
Slow down. Just breathe in and out, and seize the day. Be able to enjoy the moments with your kids.
You know there are so many things out there that society tells you about how you need to parent, or what your kids need, and all those expectations that are set they only stress you out and at the end of the day they don’t really matter.
It’s important to do what works for you and your child. If I had learned to say no when I was a young parent, and not feel pressured, like I cared too much what people thought of me, but again, it really doesn’t matter. What my kids and I need does.
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Thank you again for taking part in and reading my interview for my blog series, “Here’s to You, Stellar Parent” with my dear cousin, Tania Blommaert Grumbles.
Now I’d love to hear from you, what is a childhood memory that you most cherish with loved ones?
Please comment below and share this blog post if it has been of value to you or could be to someone else.
Also, if you have someone in mind that you think I should interview for this blog series, please let me know by contacting me either through my work email: stephanietracy26@gmail.com, or through my work Facebook page: Stephanie Tracy Writes.
**If you enjoyed this article, feel free to check out these other great & insightful posts:
🎉https://stephanietracywrites.com/heres-to-you-stellar-parent-with-joellen-blommaert-interview-1/
🎉https://stephanietracywrites.com/heres-to-you-stellar-parent-with-david-blommaert-interview-2/
🎉https://stephanietracywrites.com/heres-to-you-stellar-parent-with-rhiannon-de-vries-interview-5/
🎉https://stephanietracywrites.com/cheers-to-you-oh-wonderful-you-with-brittany-blommaert-interview-1/
About the Author
Hi there! I’m Stephanie Tracy, a freelance writer, blogger, and copy-editor for hire. I specialize in physical and mental health, parenting, and self-development. I create engaging, inspiring and useful content to help businesses progress in making their viewers into customers. When I’m not writing, you can find me happily playing with my toddler, walking in the park with my family, or indulging in a movie marathon with my husband.