Photo Credit: Brandi Bielert
Welcome to the blog series “Here’s to You, Stellar Parent” where we celebrate incredible parent figures from all walks of life and happenstance who have shaped, molded, and been in our corner to raise and support us for the better.
There is no one shoe that fits all in parenting and this space is to showcase the importance of parenting, to better learn from and be inspired by them, and to be reminded of their role that deserves to be celebrated.
Today I am happy to share my interview with none other than my dear cousin, Patty Bielert.
Patty has 3 adult kids: Shane is 39, Tiffany is 37, and Brandi is 31.
Patty is married to Kelly and together they are not only the parents to their three adult children, but are the grandparents to 5 grandchildren whom they adore.
Patty is a self employed, work from home music teacher.
Patty’s favorite hobbies are, in her words, trying to cook different kinds of food, or gourmet foods like Italian and French food is one of my favorite things to do. And of course that hobby is not complete without the best part: eating the food!
Music is a hobby, a living, a joy, everything really, and is just life!
Patty also loves camping and paddle boarding, and just trying to stay upright without having too much arthritis to keep her walking.
One fun fact about Patty is that she is a World War 2 nerd! In her words, she loves to hate Hitler. But honestly, she loves learning about World War 2. This used to be something she kept pretty quiet, but as of now, not so quiet anymore.
Patty is an old movie nerd, with “It’s a Wonderful Life” being her favorite movie of all time, but as for new movies she would say that she really likes thrillers. Anything that keeps her on the edge of her seat, but not gross scary ones, scary in your head movies. But “It’s a Wonderful Life” is for sure her favorite movie!
The following is my interview with Patty which was an absolute joy to take part in and I hope you will enjoy and learn from it as I did.
How do you measure success in your role as a parent?
Always time. Time is like one of those things especially now that I’m almost 60, time has this funny way of just slipping by and if you don’t invest your time in time spent with your loved ones, your kids, your grandkids, it’s gone and you can’t get that time back. You might spend money on them, like the toy or whatever and it’s there for a while, but the time is never coming back.
The older you get the more you start realizing this. I remember back when my kids were little, my Mom did this and I made sure I did this, that I always read bedtime stories to them.
I remember one time, it’s a memory that Brandi has that never goes away which is awesome, I would read “Sleeping Beauty” to her so much that she started memorizing the words and eventually she memorized the whole book, and she was really little, like 3 or 4. She knew the whole book word for word so she started reading it to me.
It’s those kinds of things like if you don’t spend the time then you don’t get the memories. So time equals memories in my book, and memories last forever. So yeah time equals memories equals forever, that’s my equation.
Well for sure it’s those things that outlast anything you may give them like you were saying. Plus it’s like the saying of you can’t take it with you, but the memories you can, they go on.
What have you found that has been key in raising your children?
Consistency! Because kids are smart, if you do one thing one time and another thing a different time, you don’t need to do it more than once they get it. Consistency is one of the biggest things in making sure that they understand boundaries and expectations and I think morals and values.
So I think that consistency all kind of points to all of those things and it’s the bottom line that helps in things you try to teach them: morally, value wise, financially, how they handle themselves in certain situations, it all filters back to consistency on your part.
Who have been positive influences in your life towards how you strive to parent?
Oh yeah like my Mom for example, my Grandma Tautfest, my Grandma and Grandpa Norton, all of those people were positive influences, probably in different ways.
Grandma and Grandpa Norton, especially Grandma Norton I knew until I was 18, which I mean how lucky was I to have known her and had her around that long? And Grandpa died only a year before then. But I remember Grandma Norton was this quiet, steadying influence is how I remember her. She was this tall, elegant lady who was always gentle in my experience. She always was like that.
I think that came across with Grandma Tautfest too, even though as a little girl I never knew she had a lot of personal struggles with mental health. But she was always so kind and so gentle too. She was also the kind of person who always forgave and she always moved past whatever it was that was going on, and I’m sure she had a lot of obstacles to overcome.
President Monson once said how we should never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. That’s what Grandma reminds me of and that has always stuck with me. Whenever something happens, her words come to mind, to forgive. That has been a big influence.
I see that in my kids that they have some of that too, they don’t hold grudges. And I think that is one thing that I think is an amazing thing to have in this world. There could be lots of reasons to hold grudges, and depending on family situations, mine hasn’t been perfect and there could be reason to do that, but they don’t and that’s awesome. And that comes from generations before.
Grandpa Norton was always the storyteller so I gleaned a lot of things from his stories about how to stick to things and not give up. That’s what I think I learned from him through his stories.
But then there were more recent people in my life, but it’s always family and those people that I look up to like Aunt Ginny and your Grandma. We had lots of girl cousin weekends and those were times where I think we bonded and you always knew had somebody had your back, we knew that we had each other. That’s always been there, that bond, but if we hadn’t done that it goes back to time, time well spent.
Those times where we were altogether are still some of my most cherished childhood memories that I look back on with such fondness. It was always nice to be with the cousins that were my age that I loved but there was also something about seeing all of you together, the Moms so to speak, because it was so nice to see how you interacted and bonded with each other.
That had such an impact on me with the type of person I wanted to be, how I connected and learned from other women, and recognizing the importance of having someone’s back and influencing others for the better. Seeing that time and time again said it all loud and clear for me, even at such a young age.
Yes for sure. Also I think most of all my Mom was a big influence in my life of course. I can’t nail it down to any one thing, I’d have to say that the one thing that she taught me was everything.
I remember standing at the counter somewhere with her as a little girl and she was giving her information, like for a driver’s license or something like that, but they were asking her birth-date and her full name. She said Beth Tautfest, at the time that’s what she was. And they said, “Oh, Elizabeth?” And she said, “No, just Beth.” And they said, “Middle name?” She says, “No, just Beth.” So I remember her saying that because it used to just bother her when people would ask about her name and she’d have to say how her family never gave her a middle name or anything like that, it was just Beth. But when I think about it, she was anything but just Beth. She’s everything. So that’s the biggest person for sure!
I’d have to say that even my Dad was an influence in my life, but in a funny way. When he passed away I thought he had taught me a lot of good things too, but he also taught me by what he did, that those were things that I didn’t want to do. So he did teach me and had an impact that way. But the biggest thing I learned from my Dad was that once you start something make sure you finish it. He was very good at that. 
Patty with her Mama, Beth.
Photo Credit: Brandi Bielert
Can you tell us one special thing about each of your children?
Out of the many things that I think of in regards to Shane is that he is very patient. Which I don’t think I was, so I’m not sure where he got that from. But he’s very patient.
The first word that comes to mind with Tiffany, which isn’t really a word it’s a phrase, but she’s loyal to a fault. She is the most loyal person I know.
The biggest thing that comes to mind with Brandi is that she’s very understanding. There’s no conditions with her, she’s very understanding.
What is one aspect of parenting that you feel is sometimes overlooked or undervalued?
I think the Mother’s role in bringing children up in this world, in any timeframe I think, but I think now is being attacked more than ever is bringing children up and how they’re taught.
It’s ok to not teach values, it’s not a problem, there will be a social program for that. I think that society tends to condition young parents into thinking that the education system or social programs will be what will influence your children most. I think that that is unfortunate, in that a lot of parents don’t recognize the value that they can have in their own children’s lives. That’s what I think is unfortunate and undervalued in today’s world.
It’s that mindset that can make them feel like they’re under qualified which can lead them to think that someone else will do it better than I can or I don’t think I can do this the right way so somebody else in a professional setting will be able to take this for me?
Right! Or if something is amiss then someone else is called in to try and help them, be it a psychologist or whatever it is. But again it comes back to consistency in raising kids and time spent, if those things were done on a real day by day basis and in teaching basic values, no matter what creed or race or religion we are, just with pure human decency. If that was taught by parents then it would probably be a different world.
What is one piece of advice that you’ve been given that has helped you the most in parenting?
Never think that your kids can read your mind. That means talk to them, don’t just assume that they are going to do the right thing but give them the tools. But don’t assume that they can read your mind cause that is a dangerous place to put yourself in and them.
It can lead to unspoken pressures and frustration on the child’s part.
Yeah, whereas if it’s made very clear it’s much different. We don’t have to be professionals, but as we utilize effective tools it can make for a clear, productive, and healthy path for all involved as a family, especially as you create and communicate what your family values are.
I think that really struck me especially because of the timeframe that I’m at with parenting a toddler. I’m the one doing most of the talking and expressing myself as I try to help him as he learns to talk and in figuring out how to express himself in different situations. So it makes me realize more and more that if I don’t communicate and express myself clearly and in a specific way that he can understand, that he’s going to end up being frustrated, overwhelmed, and having a tantrum.
But it’s not always because it’s his fault but because I’m not following through on my part in parenting. It’s like what you said earlier about consistency, if I don’t follow through or am willing to be repetitious, especially at this stage, then how is he going to know and truly learn and develop?
It’s so true. It’s funny because I think that that came to me at Shane’s baby shower. People wrote like little bits of wisdom and I remember it was one of my friends who had some kids already and she just wrote, “Never assume that they can read your mind.” It’s really stuck with me. It’s a good one.
And that communication changes from toddler to tween to teen, it all has to shift a little bit. Sometimes as they want to spread their wings, as much as it’s crazy, you have to realize that as you’ve guided them, you hope that they make the right decision.
But you first have to give them the expectation and then you have to allow them a little bit of space to make their choice. Which that’s the tricky part, letting those wings be used.
Patty with her daughters, Tiffany (left) and Brandi (right).
Out of everything you teach your children, what are some of the most important lessons you hope they’ll carry with them throughout their lives?
I would say to be kind, first of all, in every situation. I don’t think that there’s any reason to be unkind in any situation, you can always disagree, but you don’t have to be unkind. Even if the other person is unkind.
Another one is to serve their fellowman, in that when you do something for others, you kind of find your own self and your own way. You realize what’s important and see other people, other situations where others aren’t as fortunate so you become more grateful. Service and gratitude go hand in hand.
To live a life that is productive, that gives back to the world in some way.
And of course to live a life that is centered on the Lord so that they have a sure foundation for when things get tough, cause they do.
Amidst the demands and roles of life, how do you take time to care for yourself?
Well now I have a lot more time, right? Even when I was younger with little kids at home I would try to take time to exercise and I’ve just kind of continued that through the years. Through the years it’s changed, now I do more lifting and weights. But back then I would do a workout regime for half an hour a day.
It was fun because I’d have my kids around me and they’d start doing the stuff with me. It can be fun! Kids start to know and notice things, like when it’s time for breakfast or lunch, and it was the same in that they knew Mom was about to exercise.
It wasn’t like I had to find a babysitter, you really don’t have to. I would just do a half an hour and if it got to the point like where one of them was crying or something, it didn’t matter. I could leave the program, go take care of them and it wasn’t the end of the world cause I was trying for me.
Some quiet time is also good, like for me reading up on World War 2. I’m just kidding.
Letting your hate for Hitler boil and simmer.
You bet. But finding some quiet time to read whether it was when the kids went to bed or during naptime.
And now what’s funny is that it’s come full circle. Something I do for me is spending time with the grandkids. When you’re a parent you’re trying to get away but now it’s all about bringing the grandkids. It’s fun being with them and seeing their personalities.
But again exercise and some quiet time to yourself is important. And to indulge in hobbies or whatever your thing is. But exercise really was paramount for me cause I was always active. What’s nice about that now is that I can still get down on the floor and play with my grandkids. I’m not stuck in a chair like old Granny Grunt.
Well right and then you’re not battling having no energy and the lack of willpower to do it and get involved, that’s a gift in and of itself. 
Patty’s son, Shane, his wife Megan, and their kiddos.
Photo Credit: Mandy Baker
What is one piece of advice you want to emphasize for new parents?
I would say as parents be together on what you would say to your child. Like you know the scenario of “go ask your Mom.” Decide ahead of time what your answers would be so that there’s not the good guy, bad guy syndrome happening between Mom and Dad with the kids, cause they will play that.
Then for you guys it’s so much easier to be a supportive unit of one another in how a situation is handled because of what decisions have been made together. You are basically saying that this is what we’ve decided, there is no other option.
And you can think about it and decide as situations you weren’t prepared for arise, but that’s where you choose together what you think needs to happen. Always be together as Mom and Dad on whatever might come up.
Then there’s no argument and it takes the wind out of the sails of anything coming back to haunt you. I think that’s a big one, being in unison with your spouse in parenting. That just solves a lot of problems. Then you both know as spouses where you both stand and the kids won’t get confused that way cause they see you both backing each other up and being consistent.
What is one piece of advice you want to give to struggling parents?
Don’t give up, because some personalities of kids will try you and some won’t. It’s funny how every child comes to the Earth with their own set of personality traits.
Never give up and keep trying, keep loving. I learned that from my Mom to never give up .
What has proven to be most effective in how you raise and nurture your children?
There’s absolutely going to be times where you just want to throw your hands in the air and go I’m done! When actually lots of times you could be on the cusp of something really good at that time, like a lesson to be learned or a breakthrough with a child.
It’s a funny thing just with working with the youth in our church or with my grandkids or with raising my own kids, sometimes it’s about finding that little, loose brick that actually will get through to a child in whatever challenges they’re facing.
Sometimes walls go up when kids face challenges and they don’t feel like their parents will understand them. So to find the loose brick you need to listen, that’s one of the biggest things in never giving up is just listening. Hearing them out, seeing where they come from, and giving their concerns and worries validation. Sometimes we might think that it’s nothing but they’re worried about it, so validate that.
Then they’ll feel confident in showing you the loose brick, where you can try to break through by having them try different things to help them along.
If we do a lot of talking we never hear, so we have to balance the guiding with listening. Never give up and just listen and find a solution together, giving them the tools to problem solve. Listening is a big thing. It doesn’t matter who we are, we all have our own set of worries, what upsets us, what we’re dealing with, our challenges, and to some people they might not be a challenge while to others it could be the world.
Sometimes it’s not so much what the person is facing, it’s how that thing affects the person and how they get past it. You just need to give the validation to that person and help them to overcome it in a constructive way.
Patty with her husband, Kelly.
Photo credit: Brandi Bielert
What has been the most difficult part of parenting thus far?
I think seeing your kids make choices that you know probably aren’t the best and yet standing in support to support and love them. My Mom said this to me once, “I just love so and so, because I love them.” That says a lot, that says everything, because there’s no condition attached. So what if we feel that they might be making decisions that aren’t going to help them? We’re just going to love them because we love them.
That’s the hard thing though is to watch those maybe not so great choices and the consequence inevitably follows. It’s hard to not say I told you so. It’s just about supporting them when they make the decision, when they mess up, then help them, try to see what the right decision would be, and knowing that even as a parent you have greater insight because you usually have had more experience in life so you can kind of see what’s going to happen.
But sometimes the experience for the kids is more valuable than telling them what could very well be. So the experience is actually more of a learning moment for them. And hopefully in the end they learn what they needed to learn. That’s the hardest thing I think.
What has been the most rewarding part of parenting?
The flip side where they make decisions that move them forward in life.
Also when you see your kids doing things for other people, being kind, being helpful, giving to others in a way that you would love to see is rewarding.
And knowing that they are happy, but people are happy because they make decisions that are good and right for them. You can always see if someone isn’t quite happy. So the best thing is to see and know that they are living their best life: joyful, happy, content, and that there isn’t regret. I think that is one big thing that’s another hard thing to watch in your kids is when there is regret.
If you could go back to when you first became a parent, what would be one thing that you would say to yourself?
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Hang in there. It’s all going to work out. If your child chooses a striped shirt with polka dot pants to go to school in, let ‘em wear it. Don’t sweat the small stuff. It just isn’t worth it. Choose your battles.
The battles that are worth fighting are the ones that affect them in the long run. Like I can remember one lady telling me, “When you choose to discipline your child, think down the road as far as you can, even years maybe, and what the decision you make in disciplining right now how it’ll affect them and their self-esteem today, tomorrow, or years from now.” That was very valuable to me too.
Whatever you choose to say or do, think first. But don’t sweat the small stuff.
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Thank you again for taking part in and reading my interview for my blog series, “Here’s to You, Stellar Parent” with my dear cousin, Patty Bielert.
What is a childhood memory that you most cherish with your family?
Please comment below and share this blog post if it has been of value to you or could be to someone else.
If you have someone in mind that you think I should interview for this blog series, please let me know by contacting me either through my work email: stephanietracy26@gmail.com, or through my work Facebook page: Stephanie Tracy Writes.
About the Author
Hi there! I’m Stephanie Tracy, a freelance writer, blogger, and copy-editor for hire. I specialize in physical and mental health, parenting, and self-development. I create engaging, inspiring and useful content to help businesses progress in making their viewers into customers. When I’m not writing, you can find me happily playing with my toddler, walking in the park with my family, or indulging in a movie marathon with my husband.