Photo credit: Andrea Barnes
Welcome to my new blog series “Here’s to You, Stellar Parent” where we celebrate incredible parent figures from all walks of life and happenstance who have shaped, molded, and been in our corner to raise and support us for the better.
There is no one shoe that fits all in parenting and this space is to showcase the importance of parenting, to better learn from and be inspired by parents, and to be reminded of their role that deserves to be celebrated.
Today I am happy to start off this blog series by interviewing none other than my own Mom, JoEllen Blommaert.
JoEllen in her own words birthed 3 children but says it sometimes feels like there’s 4 *insert playful smirk*.
She is married, works part-time outside of the home, and has two grown children married, and one grown child still hanging around the house in post-secondary.
JoEllen’s favorite hobbies are gardening, cooking, baking, watching movies, and doing some crafts when she gets the time.
One fun, random fact about JoEllen is that she grew up in the United States till age 10.
Her current favorite TV Show is “This Is Us”.
The following is my interview with JoEllen which was an absolute joy to take part in and I hope you will enjoy and learn from it as I did.
JoEllen thank you so much for taking part in this blog series! To start off, when it comes to parenting, how do you measure success in your role as a parent?
That I’m still alive? And that my kids are still alive? We all made it through alive! Hooray!!
Thank goodness for little miracles.
That’s a bonus. But if I have to say something serious, I’ll say that I know my parenting has been a success by how my kids have turned out despite my parenting. My kids are compassionate and contributing members of society.
What have you found have been key factors in raising your children?
I find you can’t be too hard or critical on yourself, and not to take yourself too seriously. Just relax, take it a day at a time, and have fun.
Of course there are serious moments, but all in all just be sure to enjoy life and enjoy each stage as it comes.
Who have been positive influences in your life towards how you strive to parent?
I think I’ve had many, many, many positive influences.
I think about my family circle, my Mom especially, aunts, grandparents, cousins, like older cousins, in how they all parent.
My circle of friends and the parents of my friends growing up, neighbors that we had, those parents that lived on my block or that were friends with my parents.
There were also those in my church community, there were lots of parents there that were great examples to me with how they raised their kids and that I felt were successful in all of their examples. It takes a village as they say.
So you literally saw the fruits of the saying, that it takes a village to raise a child?
Oh for sure.
Can you tell us one special thing about each of your children?
That’s a hard one to answer. Well, like I said I have three children, my oldest Stephanie always sees the good in everyone and she’s really a friend to everybody. She’s always really in tune with people’s feelings, she can discern that and can either be of help if they’re in need of something, like if they’re down or if they’re in trouble or if they need a lift, she can sense those things. She just has this natural knowing of how someone is feeling and is very in-tune with that.
My son Todd is a very loyal friend, he’s loyal to his family, and is very hard-working and dependable.
With my youngest Brittany, something that I’ve always noticed about her is that she always notices the details. She always has a way of picking up on things that nobody else notices. She’s funny, always loves a party, and she’s always very determined in anything she sets out to do.
What is one aspect of parenting that you feel is sometimes overlooked or undervalued?
This is a difficult one but I would have to say that you need to fill your own well first before you can give to others, it’s something that you can’t overlook. You need to be sure to fill up yourself.
And that’s not being selfish or neglecting your responsibilities in what you need to do to help to raise your children, because you do need to be mindful and take time for yourself.
What is one piece of advice that you’ve been given that has helped you the most in parenting?
There’s lots of things that people have given advice on, but one piece of advice in particular that has always stood out is from a dear friend, and her advice was to “pick your battles”.
So don’t make everything a big thing, only the most important things. I’ve always thought about that when I’ve had to face a struggle or a concern with a child, whether they were a toddler, school-age, or as a teen, is making sure to pick your battles.
Make sure to focus on the most important battles and not to make out everything as a big thing.
Out of everything you teach your children, what are some of the most important lessons you hope they’ll carry with them throughout their lives?
So there’s a few things, the first would be that they are loved no matter what. Number two, there are always do-over’s. And number three, think before you speak. But also another one I thought of was people are more important than things.
One quote to go along with that last lesson that I’ve always loved is, “Never let a problem to be solved, be more important than a person to be loved.”
Amidst the demands and roles of life, how do you take time to care for yourself?
Lock the bathroom door!
They can still stick their fingers under the door.
That’s fine, they still can’t get in. But seriously, if possible, go for a walk or a drive by yourself to clear your head. Especially just getting outside, as long as it’s not -30°C or pouring rain.
Also music is a good way to destress and calm yourself, or take you away to somewhere else. Another is reading and watching a good movie, those kinds of things help to rejuvenate, refresh, and help you think, or just let your mind wander and realign.
What is one piece of advice you want to emphasize for new parents?
Take it a day at a time, sometimes you may have to take it an hour at a time. It’s all about baby steps, now you have a baby, so take baby steps. It’s not going to all come at once and it’s very overwhelming. Also enjoy each moment as it comes, cause it will pass all too quickly.
The other best parenting advice that is really true, it’s said a lot, is sleep when baby sleeps.
Yeah no kidding, nothing else is important, just sleep. Everything else can wait.
And to go along with that is what is one piece of advice you want to give to struggling parents? Whether you’re newer parents, seasoned parents, overall any parent that feels like they’re struggling in any way, shape, or form?
The first thing I thought of was don’t be afraid to ask for help, from family, friends, or even professionals. It’s not a sign of weakness. You don’t have to do this alone.
What has proven to be most effective in how you raise and nurture your children?
Most effective is, this is just from my own personal experience as everybody’s situation is different, but because I have a husband, a spouse, we parent together, so with my experience parents need to work together as a team to raise kids.
We need to be a unified front and show that example to the children. We need to show we are both on the same page with how we parent, what the expectations are, clear communication with not only the other parent but also with the children.
Be sure to speak at each child’s level of understanding. Be consistent as far as to know what to expect as far as discipline is concerned and what your expectations are, be sure to communicate that clearly.
Also be sure to see the positive.
Children will always rise to the occasion if they know that you can trust them.
What has been the most difficult part of parenting thus far?
It’s always most difficult to see a child struggle with disappointment, or pain, heartache, or self-doubt. Not being able to wave a magic wand and take that pain away from them is always hard. Not doing things for them because they’ve got to learn it on their own.
So is it about not having that control?
Well not just having that control but not using that control. Because you know that you don’t want to take those things away from them because they need those things to learn, to stretch, to grow, and to overcome those things themselves.
And to partner with that, what has been the most rewarding part of parenting?
Probably going along with the most difficult is seeing kids overcome their adversity, their struggles. That’s the most rewarding is seeing them come through on the other side.
It’s most rewarding also to see them happy in their relationships and finding and discovering their talents.
Not to mention becoming a grandparent.
Exactly, that’s the best part. Like the saying goes, if I knew how good grandkids were, I would have had them first.
If you could go back to when you first became a parent, what would be one thing that you would say to yourself?
Do you really know what you’re getting into? I’m kidding.
One thing that I heard a long time ago that I’ve always held as my mantra and that I pass along to so many other young parents especially is that the days are long but the years are short.
Sometimes you have to stop and think about what that means but especially when you’re a young parent or when you’re right in the middle of raising children in each stage as your going through the busyness of motherhood and parenthood is that the days are really long. Sometimes those days even go halfway into the night if not all the night.
So the days are very long and you think will this ever end? I’m never going to get through potty-training or will my child ever potty-train? Are they going to be in diapers the rest of their life? You know you ask those kinds of questions with all of these different stages.
Will they ever talk or will they ever stop talking?
That’s right. But then the years are short, because in reality you have a newborn, you blink and then that newborn is a year old. Then that year old child is going through kindergarten. You blink again and that child is graduating high school. You blink again and they’re going out into the world: working, getting married, going into university, going away from home, or just doing their own thing.
When you look back the years are short, so that’s always been my thing is to remember to take time and enjoy each stage, each milestone, and each time in your child’s life. Don’t mourn for the past, you can always look back and have fond memories, but always enjoy the place where you’re at. So keep in mind that the days are long but the years are short.
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Thank you again for taking part in and reading my first interview for my new blog series, “Here’s to You, Stellar Parent” with my Mom, JoEllen Blommaert.
What is a trait of one of your parents that you most admire?
Comment below and share this blog post if it has been of value to you or could be to someone else.
If you have someone in mind that you think I should interview for this blog series, please let me know by contacting me either through my work email: stephanietracy26@gmail.com or my work Facebook page: Stephanie Tracy Writes.
About the Author
Hi there! I’m Stephanie Tracy, a freelance writer, editor, and blogger for hire. I specialize in physical and mental health, parenting, and self-development. I create engaging, inspiring and useful content to help businesses progress in making their viewers into customers. When I’m not writing, you can find me happily playing with my toddler, walking in the park with my family, or indulging in a movie marathon with my husband.