I came across a post on social media recently that both broke my heart and made me more mindful of how and where I spend my time. It read, “I’m glad that we’re together Dad, I can’t wait to talk and play. I’ll tell you about my hopes and dreams and you’ll tell me about your day. I can’t wait to spend some time with you, yet I sit here all alone. So close that you can see me Dad, if I was only inside your phone.”
If that doesn’t give you a major reality check to change I don’t know what will.
Far too often, technology, being ‘busy’, personal interests, housework, responsibilities, and the list goes on get in the way of us spending our day with those that matter most: our loved ones.
Children especially are in need of us being present in their lives as parents and guardians. Far too often we push them aside, tell them “later, not now”, and then later never comes or is never long enough to make a positive lasting impact.
In this article, I’ll be discussing the importance of being fully present in your child’s life and some tips on how to be more effectively present, because how present we are with them has a permanent effect on not only our relationships with them but their growth and development.
The Importance of Being Present
1. Stronger Connection with One Another
This may come across as a no-brainer but this point deserves the #1 spot for extra emphasis; the more present you are in your child’s life, the stronger your connection will be now and in the future.
How you spend your time with your child will build a firm or weak foundation towards your bond with them.
Having a strong parent-child bond will nurture them physically, emotionally, and socially, and ultimately the more involved and connected you are with them, the better their view towards parenting, family, home-life, themselves, and their future will be.
2. Trusting Bond
As you would feed your child and never allow them to go hungry, feeding your child respect and encouragement will allow them to grow in trust towards you as an adult and as their parent.
Creating a positive environment where thoughts and feelings can be shared without being demeaned or shut down, spending one on one meaningful time together uninterrupted, and showing an active, sincere interest in your child and their interests will allow trust to grow naturally between the both of you.
3. Increased Self-Confidence
I have personally noticed that the more present I am with my son, the more liable he is to be open, care-free, and happy. From his giddy chuckle to how he almost dances as he runs towards me for a hug or to play, I am reassured that I am creating a safe environment and relationship as his mother where he can have confidence in himself, no questions asked.
Creating a safe, present space allows him to learn, explore, be curious, laugh, dance, develop, to be himself.
To help increase self-confidence in your child, strive to not get upset over their mistakes but take the opportunity to help your child to breathe, reassure them that it was just an accident, work together to work through the situation at hand and problem solve, encourage them when they make mistakes to try again, and praise them as they do so.
Again as your child continues to grow and develop, be sure that you pay attention to their downfalls as well as their victories and then cheer them on to allow their self-esteem to grow in the process.
4. Promote Positive Growth and Development
As mentioned previously, being present in your child’s life promotes positive growth and development throughout their life.
The more present you are in their lives, the more apt they’ll be in gaining positive social skills and therefore positive friendships and relationships with others.
The more present you are in their lives, the more apt your child will be in striving to try new things, explore interests, and have the confidence to learn and be open to what the world has to offer.
The more present you are in your child’s life, the more apt they are to succeed because you were there from the beginning to believe in, teach, and cheer them onward.
5. Setting a Healthy Example of What Takes Priority
Children are great imitators, what they see they’ll do. If your eyes, time, and attention are first and foremost to your phone’s screen, the more apt your child is to focus on screens rather than people, especially those loved ones that are most important in their lives.
If however your eyes, time, and attention are first and foremost focused on them, the more apt they’ll be to focus on the real world outside of screens, outside of distractions, and outside of themselves alone.
You have the opportunity as your child’s parent to set a healthy example of what should be their main priority, or what should take the front row seats in their lives so to speak. Take the time to charge up your relationship with your child and let the focus be on them, let everything else wait for a change.
How to Be More Present
1. Turn Off or Put Away Technology
If the time you spend with your child is spent scrolling and glancing at your phone, or checking every ring or ding or buzz that your phone summons you by, or if one ear is towards your child and the other is in an earphone listening to anything but your child’s voice, you are not effectively multi-tasking and you are certainly not being present.
Make the active, direct decision to put away any and all technology that will strive to draw you away from your child, or even better yet, turn it off.
If you are more liable to obey your technology’s calls over your child’s, that is not normal, not okay, and a clear, serious sign that things need to change.
You must choose to be the master over your technology, not your technology over you. Don’t just tell your child that they matter, show them.
2. Ask Questions and Actively Listen
As you spend time with your child, take in the opportunity to ask them questions and actively listen.
Yes the response may be long and drawn out, yes they may get off-topic, but you will learn so much more about your child by watching their expressions, listening to understand, and by showing a sincere interest in what they’re saying.
Show them that what they have to say matters and that you truly care. You will learn so much about your child, their thoughts, their interests, and what is going on in their lives.
This way very little will come as a surprise to you as your child will trust and confide in you by your being sincerely present.
3. Have Regular One on One Time
Don’t let time with your child be a once a month, “let me see if I can squeeze you into my schedule” after-thought.
Be thoughtful in spending regular one on one time with your child, even if it’s as simple as reading stories and talking, going on a daily walk or bike ride, whatever it may be, let it become a fun, interactive time for both of you to take true enjoyment in.
Also be sure that as you spend this quality time with your child, that you interact in activities they enjoy. As you are actively invested in learning more about their interests, you’ll be opening a door to nurturing your relationship with them by creating meaningful memories together.
4. Follow Through and Be Clear with Your Promises
Once you have set the precedence of spending regular time with your child, let your actions and words be in sync. Any promise you make must be clear and followed through.
Don’t push off time together with excuses, unless something out of your control and serious comes into play, in that case, be sure to not be wishy-washy or leave the much-needed time together to be left to chance.
Be clear, be precise, be honest, and prove that being present and spending time is important, not just a nice dream or potential wish that may come true. Fulfill your promises and make them happen!
5. Remember How Precious This Time Is
Dear parents, you may think you have all the time in the world with your child or feel at times that the days are so long and will never end. But let me give you a reality check loud and clear, childhood is fleeting!
Far too often I find myself watching my toddler going through our books or dancing to music and wondering where the time has gone or how it seemed like just yesterday that I was cuddling my wee babe in our recliner.
Every moment with your child needs to be treated with care, needs to be cherished, and needs to be taken seriously, with lots of fun and love. View and treat this time with your child as precious, because work, chores, tv shows, and other such responsibilities, happenings, and interests will always be there, but these days will not.
Embrace this time with your child and embrace your child extra close every chance you get, for tomorrow they will wake up a day older and it is oh so crucial for you to take part whole-heartedly in their lives. So get involved, be present, and enjoy this incredible time with your child! Please choose to not let it pass you by.
About the Author
Hi there! I’m Stephanie Tracy, a freelance writer, and blogger for hire. I specialize in physical and mental health, parenting, and self-development. I create engaging, inspiring, and useful content to help businesses progress in making their viewers into customers. When I’m not writing, you can find me happily playing with my toddler, walking in the park with my family, or indulging in a movie marathon with my husband.
This is such a powerful article. The enrichment of each of our child’s lives if these ideas were considered and practiced would be improved by an astronomical amount.
Not every household is conventionally structured. I speak from my own experience having been raised by my single mother who married, divorced, remarried, divorced, and had several unhealthy relationships after that. And as a result, having three half-sisters each with different fathers from my own estranged father whom I’ve still no relationship with after 25 years. With that being said, practicing love, attention, and responsibility where there may only be one parent is challenging, and we didn’t always get those intimate one-on-one times with our mother. But I do feel we are all bonding more so as we are getting older in our teens and 20’s. We’re collectively becoming more aware about what it means to be family, and love has always been a pillar within our home despite the fractured conventionalities.
Some friends of mine have families who never even utter the word love or never embrace one another. I’ve been to some households where it almost feels loveless or perhaps there is love but its conceived in a very different way.
Thanks,
Thank you for reading and being willing to be open in your comments in regards to your personal experience in this matter!
We each have different backgrounds and upbringings, therefore it is so important for us to make the conscious choice on what we are going to carry forward with us in our parenting journey, as well as how we treat and guide others on that same journey.
I definitely hold firm to the opinion that being present as a parent towards children is key in their success and overall well-being. Being taught and made aware is the first step to making much-needed changes for the better.
All the best to you and thank you again for being willing to share, I appreciate it and hope it’ll help others that may read as well!