Welcome to my blog series “Cheers to You, Oh Wonderful You”, where we celebrate the ordinary yet extraordinary individuals around us. This series will be used as a space to connect, celebrate, and showcase the incredible people in our lives who ground us, teach us, and inspire us everyday.
This interview I was joined by none other than one of my amazing best friends, Colby Crossley.
Colby comes from a blue collar working class family, which he feels puts him in a place where he contributes most by working 8am to 5pm like most people. He contributes to his community mostly by being a good citizen, with responsibility, with treating your neighbor as you would want to be treated, and putting emphasis on our laws and a fair justice system.
Colby doesn’t have any current education or career path for that matter, other than to be a paid writer. He has mostly lived his life sort of on the whims of intrigue, rather than by the hand of a directive parent. There’s kind of a cliche of the parent wanting what’s best for their child, but being in a lower middle class, blue collar family it’s sort of more or less unconventional actually, because we have just done what we can to get by and that has made us enjoy life in higher volume because it’s the small things that matter more than the objective so to speak.
With that being said, Colby is always learning. In fact he likes to joke that he learned more in his 20s than what he learned in grade school. Not to say that he didn’t learn anything in grade school, but in recent years he has learned street smarts, gained life experience, and now has the internet. All these things have served him well when utilized well.
In terms of career path though, Colby does plan on going into creative writing when he has the opportunity. He’s not looking for certification or verification, he’s doing what he can with what he has and if he gets to that point to go through the education system and take some courses and learn more than what he has now, then that’s bonus material.
Colby has spent his 20s drafting like no tomorrow; writing and rewriting and failing, and then rewriting and retrying and resubmitting and trying some more. To the point that now he is standing on a very well developed summit and his craft is better than it ever has been before, and he’s still honing his craft so that he can be even better five years from now. Having that mindset as a writer where you’re constantly learning and writing, that is the ticket to education.
That is the purpose of education, in Colby’s opinion, is to always be learning and to always be doing. But then there also comes a point when you have to say the work is done. You can edit or rework a scene as much as you want as an actor, but at some point you have to say the work is done. Fin. The end.
One random fact about Colby is that he has webbed feet. More specifically webbed toes, like two toes on each foot that are webbed toes. He can’t move them individually.
Colby’s favorite TV show as of late has been both Yellowstone and Ozark, hands down.
The following is my interview with Colby Crossley which was an absolute joy to take part in and I hope you will enjoy and learn from it as I did.
What has been one failure in your life that later became a win for you?
There is the idea that we put a lot of criticism on ourselves and when we let our peers decide how we should think or feel about ourselves, it then becomes problematic for your spirit.
So growing up as a kid, my kindness at times was mistaken for being naive or being vulnerable by kids at school, by whoever. But the winning factor of that is me being true to myself, and through understanding and realizing that who I am is not a fault but rather a gift and a contribution to the greater universe if you will.
I’ve been able to make some of the best relationships and been able to touch people when it’s mattered most, because they see the kindness of my heart. I’ve been told time and again by people, and that to me makes me realize that being true to yourself is the only way you get through this thing called life. And I think that’s a bit of a win.
This is something that’s been evolving over the years after being bullied because of being too nice and such. Truly the kindred spirit prevails and there’s no greater lesson than love. Love to your fellow neighbor, love to your brother, love.
One thing that kept coming to mind as you were speaking was that at the end of the day, no matter who stays or comes in and out of your life, you stay with you throughout your life. For better or worse.
Right, but you see I don’t have my Father in my life, in the picture. But with having younger sisters, it’s made me realize there is a duty in masculinity. There is a duty in being a male because you provide security and a sense of groundedness to your family, and you provide a sense of love being an older brother like I was to my sisters.
Because without having my Dad, I’ve been on a journey of finding out what a good man is all about. It has been through multiple facets of life, not just a one to one thing with my Dad, but it’s the many avenues of human life. I learned the ability to provide love for not only myself but for my family, because there was a lack of love that I had to make.
Because I felt that there was a sense of duty in the grand scheme of things. Because my own Mother depended on me and having that experience of being the man of the house as a teenager makes you grow up pretty quick. With the push and pull of being too much or not enough, that’s where you kind of play in the parameters of things.
And I think that has helped me to understand that no matter what path you’ve been given in life, and the choices that you’ve made while on that path, there’s still an opportunity to learn about yourself, to understand yourself. We can serve in our community, in our families, God, or anything in which we can find ourselves in so to speak.
If you could talk to yourself back when you were graduating high school, what would be something that you would tell yourself? 
Young Colby in the wonderful world of high school.
Pay more attention to the moments at hand. Dream big. But don’t forget to enjoy the moment at hand. Also, don’t worry about the girl who lives a thousand miles away, because there may be someone who is right in front of you that would be better.
However, the experience of traveling to see said girl of my dreams in high school was a very good experience. It was a movie experience, it was cinematic, it was screenplay material as an eighteen year old boy took a Greyhound Bus for two days from Edmonton, Alberta to Fort Erie, Ontario to see who he thought was the love of his life. And that’s what you call young love!
And I mean looking back I did pay attention to the moments, but honestly it’s so important to enjoy it cause it goes by fast. Right? I mean we’re going on eleven years since graduating. The reality check is the consequence of time. Take caution to the consequences of time, because it goes by before you know it.
It’s funny how at certain points of your life certain things matter, and you look back and you wonder why. But the more you think about it shows what growth you still needed to go through. Certain things matter more at certain points and phases of life and sometimes it’s because of personal desires, or what society dictates we need to have a focus on, or it’s just cliche, or else there’s just certain things that highlight an area of growth we need to go through to level up so to speak, or we have to choose to let it pass by and not take on that growth.
Exactly, and in the midst of all of that the lesson in all of this is that love must prevail and to focus on what’s in your control.
Who is at least one person that you can count on to be in your corner that you’re grateful for, and why?
Colby alongside Stephanie Tracy (myself) in front of our beloved high school.
Well obviously you. You because you have demonstrated such profound friendship and love and care towards me over the past eleven years that we’ve known one another. Another one would be my partner, Jacob, he can really tell me how it is, he’s not afraid to do that. Another one would be my Mother. Even though I’m her son, she’s not blind to the truth.
All three of you give me your honesty when I need it most and that guides me to the answers that I’m trying to find in those given moments. I would also say my friend, Carlos, because he’s given me a friendship that I can rely on come thick or thin, and it’s the kind of friendship that you know will be lifelong, like yours and mine is. We’ve been able to break bread with one another in our homes. Those four people are the ones that come to mind.
When it gets to that point of being a constant, they become a part of you and you become a part of them. You’re indented or imprinted if you will. But truly because you then live in their memory and heart and soul, and them in you.
Who has played a vital role as a mentor in your life?
I think there’s various people who play roles in life that have mentored me through various things. That’s vague but it’s true, because life is so grand that it takes more than one person to learn from, it takes a village to raise a child so to speak.
My Grade 8 English teacher, Mrs. Rodgers, she taught me how to get a schedule going for homework and such. She taught me how to be stern and firm in my decision making. She was a very stern lady but that’s what made her brilliant and loving, because she wanted the very best for her students.
David McNally, he’s actually a bit of a star and has a very good background of the arts, and he taught me how to be enthusiastic about doing what you love, being curious, and going forth into that good night, not gently though. “Actors are creatures of the night,” he’d say and I remember it to this day from Grade 9 as a young 14 year old boy. He introduced us to MacBeth, Taming of the Shrew, Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet, all of these things before high school because he had faith in us and exposed us to these great works of Shakespeare.
Then of course Noel Taylor for facilitating my creativity and supporting me when there were decisions to be made regarding writing and producing a body of work that had a deadline, no matter what.
Also my Grandpa Jim for having me work at the Esso gas station he managed when I was about nine or ten. My Mom would drop me off and I would spend a couple of hours where I would sweep the floors or trim the hedges outside, just some work, and I’d earn $10 for my work. It taught me discipline and work ethic at a young age.
Again, my friend Carlos because he taught me how to be firm in your actions, how to be steadfast, how to be the person you’re meant to be, regardless of what anyone says.
When things aren’t going in the direction you were hoping, what have you found has usually been the right next step for you?
It kills me to be wrong about something. When I screw up on something or have to take a step back, I have to redirect or realign myself. I’ve been disappointed before and I think what I’ve done is work my way to accept it, whatever circumstance this may be.
Whether it’s writing a plot or something else, I have to bite the bullet. Biting the bullet is a hard thing to do, because it’s hard and fast, and you don’t want to because it sucks. It’s a metaphor for rolling with the punches and is an ongoing process.
What I’ve done to realign myself is just surrender myself to the Universe, to what is, and see if I can allow myself to see things from different angles, etc.
It can be painful, but it’s almost required if you want to keep moving forward so to speak.
It can be very painful and very frustrating, but the lesson there is to be vulnerable enough so that you can understand the situation clearer, because having a clear head is very important. If you don’t have a clear head you’ll be very frustrated. I have been very frustrated when I don’t have a clear head on circumstantial things. But I would say that remaining steadfast is definitely part of it.
What are three skills you have developed that you are proud of yourself for?
Being able to listen to people talk when they have something to say. Giving people the time of day when you don’t realize how much it means when so little has to be done on your behalf to make someone else’s day better, or for them to know that they’re heard, that speaks volumes.
That’s one thing that I’ve developed over time that I’ve gotten pretty good at that has become an accomplishment, for my friends and for myself because it makes me more able to listen to myself. This coincides with the previous question a little bit, being able to accept what is and being able to listen to yourself, the needs that you require are important.
We aren’t always able to do that for ourselves. A lot of men, especially men, go about life with so little encouragement, they’re malnourished spiritually. Making them broken people.
The second thing that I’ve developed that I’m proud of is maintaining curiosity because I don’t know anything. It’s like what Socrates said about not knowing everything, and for that I’m not as dumb. Maintaining curiosity and accepting that you can be wrong, and learning what is right afterwards.
That’s a big process, because I can get very egotistical with certain things and that can be more harmful than good. Moreso for the others around me, but also for myself, because it’s not your truth when you let ego step into the spotlight and decide for you on what you think is right, and so forth.
I would say the third one is that I’m grateful and proud of my ability to love those that matter most to me and see through their weaknesses, failures, and doubts and love them for who they are as people. Because that’s all we have at the end of the day is each other, that’s all we have. The drama, the gossip, people’s failures and shortcomings don’t matter. Judgment day isn’t about those things, it’s about who you are before you pass on.
What is something you do that you enjoy that helps you to calm and slow you down?
Well it’s not video games, cause that gets me really ramped up. It’s music. Music is a phenomenon, that we have no idea how or what it is, truly. The experience of music and listening to music, some of the songs that I generally gravitate to that give a euphoric sense of being. There’s only a few key artists that can do this for me.
The groove is so just and the melodies just hooks you in, that there’s a euphoria that ignites in my head when I listen to certain pieces of music. It could be orchestral, techno, rock or something, and coming down from that high of just listening to music, brings total relaxation.
You could take everything away from me in life, but you can’t take away that. It’s like what Andy Dufresne said in Shawshank Redemption, that they can’t take what’s in here, in your head. That’s music for me, music is my lifeline, as well as being able to create stories and play in the sandbox with writing.
But music is my lifeline, it’s everything. It’s a phenomenon that doesn’t make sense but it’s there. Why are we so involved with music? Who knows. That’s a scientist and prophet’s undertaking. Music is everything, and it helps me wind down. I’ve listened to music at my highest and lowest points, and it’s been constant at what it does for me.
What are some key elements in your environment, whether that’s in your home, creative space, or work space, that encourages and inspires you?
Colby’s corner of influence: his humble writing desk.
Having my writing space in a room where I can be totally alone and it’s quiet so that I can really focus and hone in on the story I’m writing, that is huge for me. Like Stephen King said in his book, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, he commented on the fact that you can’t have your writing desk in the center of the room. That’s not how life works. Writing is something that gets worked around life. Writing is the main thing.
Since I’m a writer, my writing desk is not in the middle of my apartment, it’s in the corner tucked away in my bedroom. I can be alone so I can hone in and hopefully bleed out some magic somehow on the page. That is one element of having my writing desk in a quiet room so that I can thrive.
Another element is probably having my own apartment, for the first time in my life, shared with my boyfriend, Jacob. Jacob and I have the exact same schedule, we both have the same job and shifts, so we’re very aligned in that regard, and that’s a great way to have life setup. It’s very ideal. We couldn’t have asked for a better result. This place really encourages me to be my own person without the boundaries of common courtesy. I can dance wildly after work, at night, in the morning. There’s always music playing in my apartment.
Music is that inconceivable, unfathomable, universal magic that was given to us as human beings for us to discover, produce, and share. That goes for all kinds of music. Music is a huge one too and being able to play that in my home is just fantastic, it transports me. The euphoria that I feel in the hooks or the lyrics of some of the artists genuinely transports me to a realm of discovery and that you can harbor in.
I would also definitely say that having the morning sun shine through your bedroom window and flood your bedroom when you wake up on a Saturday or Sunday morning when you have the time to create and revel in yourself, in any capacity, is just magical. It feels like you have the world by the ass, so to speak, for that day.
I would also say, and this is also important, is because I live in a different city apart from my family and my friends, it’s really good to have the ability to reach out to my family and get in touch with them knowing we’re all safe through this pandemic. Love knows no bounds or distance. Like the movie Interstellar, I think if there were to be a fifth dimension I think it would be the measure of love. That’s an element that keeps me warm and safe at night above all else is family.
What are three reasons that you have had to celebrate lately? 
Colby alongside his lovely boyfriend, Jacob.
Number one would be having the apartment. I’ve lived with some very good people for the past six years here in Calgary, but Jacob and I were having a bit of a strain in our relationship, and upon going to one of our roommates’ weddings, we were discussing how we could figure things out.
Jacob then proposed that we move out and get our own place. I knew instantly that that was what needed to happen to benefit our relationship and propel us forward as a couple, because of obvious reasons, such as having privacy and having the freedom to be a couple with our own place. That is one huge milestone for us and when we really executed it it happened like that *snaps fingers*.
Another huge one is that my Mother and one of my Aunts have come together and have repaired a very fragile relationship, at least being on the road to doing so, brick by brick. I was kind of campaigning for this last year when there was no communication.
I kind of put the bug in each of their ears of what needed to happen and the love that was still there. Then in the fall, after some discussions, talking, and apologizing a reunion was made. Let me tell you as a family member that was such a heavy weight lifted off of my shoulders, because of being the son and the nephew of these two people who I have loved dearly and look up to with great admiration. Women in my family are not short on strength and being themselves and enduring much in life, so seeing them come together and genuinely repair their relationship was awesome.
Because that also meant at Christmastime, almost the entire family was able to be together under one roof after four years. It was just great having all of the grandparents, the aunts, the uncles, cousins, my sisters, it was great. Despite a pandemic, we made it work against all odds. That was truly a heart filling moment, and one that I don’t take lightly at all. There were full stomachs, laughter, singing, the company was great, and that Christmas overall was just fantastic.
But upon reflecting what I think is best for my family, I also acknowledge that my wants aren’t necessarily somebody else’s needs, and so putting emphasis on respecting each other’s boundaries is quite an evolution of circumstances. Because not all familial issues can ever be fixed.
Also I beat the Halo Infinite campaign on level difficulty by myself! It took me a month to do on my off time. That was actually pretty good. I jumped out of my seat with my friends on the mic and it was fantastic!
What is one piece of advice that you find yourself thinking back on and striving to implement the most often?
One is to never settle for less. I was told that when I was about nineteen years old. My Uncle Wes was driving me back home from Calgary. We were just having a guy conversation on the drive and that was something that he told. To never settle for less, whether that’s in relationships, in jobs, in opportunities, or circumstance, and whatever comes with that lesson, it’s about being observant and true to yourself. Always keep your innermost interests at heart, keep that close, because you may think that you’re walking into something that’s beneficial, but it may end up that you’re giving out more than you’re getting back.
Another is a passage from Jordan Peterson’s book, 12 Points for Life: An Antidote to Chaos, it’s actually the title of Chapter Two or Rule Two, which is “Treat Yourself Like Someone You Are Responsible for Helping”. So let’s say you have an elderly family member and you have to administer their medication everyday, but what about when it comes down to ourselves, our own person? Do you always take your medications, your vitamins, apply your cream so to speak? I know I haven’t. I’ve gone days without taking the medication, or brushing my teeth leading to cavities, etc. It really gets you thinking about how you treat yourself and how you deserve to be treated by yourself.
There was also another part of the book that actually got me thinking about my Mother. It reads, “In my own periods of darkness, in the underworld of the soul, I find myself frequently overcome and amazed by the ability of people to befriend each other, to love their intimate partners and children, and do what they must do to keep the machinery of the world running. I knew a man injured and disabled by a car accident, who was employed by a local utility. For years after the crash, he worked side by side with another man, who for his part, suffered with a degenerative, neurological disease. They cooperated well repairing the lines, each making up for the others inadequacy. This sort of everyday heroism is the rule, I believe, rather than the exception. Most individuals are dealing with one or more serious health problems while going productively and uncomplainingly about their business. If anyone is fortunate enough to be in a rare period of grace in health personally, then he or she typically has at least one close family member in crisis. Yet people prevail and continue to do difficult and effortful tasks to hold themselves and their families and society together. To me this is miraculous! So much so, that a dumbfounded gratitude is the only appropriate response. There are so many ways that things can fall apart or fail to work altogether, and it is always wounded people who are holding it together. They deserve some genuine and heartfelt admiration for that. It’s an ongoing miracle of fortitude and perseverance.”
So how that applies to me or how I see it is there are so many people in our country and in the world that do so much more than I do that I benefit from. Thinking back on your project on gratitude last year, it put me in a mindset where I have the ability to recognize and sort of think over what it really means to be grateful. Like I can simply, halfheartedly say that I’m grateful for my xBox, my computer, or my boyfriend.
No, no, I’m grateful that we have people suffering for people like us so that we can have a comfortable lifestyle. I’m grateful for people like my Mother who despite the hell that she went through, she raised four kids and now she’s taking care of her elderly Father whose personality has died, for lack of a better word, because he’s lost himself from what we can see as his grandchildren; a totally changed man. And yet at fifty-one years old, she’s going through this, works full time, and comes home completely exhausted, and yet she still has the time to call me and ask how I am doing?
I’m grateful for people like that, for my family, for my friends, for strangers I’ll never meet, I’m grateful because there’s purpose. There is an interconnected way of life and doing, almost like cells in a network of a body where we are so interconnected by way of energy, time, and place. That is a miracle, and that I am grateful for.
Realizing and becoming enlightened to the fact that you are a part of something greater than what you are in your house, you are far greater than you could have ever imagined. It’s amazing that you are able to manifest and to know that the lifeline through all of your manifestations is gratitude.
What are three things you have been particularly grateful for this past week or month?
I’m grateful to be working full time again. I had a bit of a stint of being sick and having days in lieu to take, and being at home for a long stretch starts out with the feeling of celebration and freedom, but by day five or six you kind of start missing your job, then a kind of insecurity sets in in your head, and the lack of structure sets you off. I’m grateful for structure this past week, for sure.
I’m also grateful I clocked in over 1000 words yesterday morning on a brand new story towards my ongoing project, Phantasmagoria. I’m finally moving along in a way I’ve never moved along before with this project which is huge for me, I’m super excited! It’s going to be one heck of a story.
I am grateful for, even with the gratitude towards structure and being busy, I am grateful for having moments of quietness. I find that even with being a Gemini and being an extrovert that I really need to have recharge time, as I’m sure others can relate.
I like to say that I’m an extroverted introvert.
Exactly. Same here sister. You have to have the down time, whether that’s with a movie, a book, a walk, nothing, a nap, whatever clears the cupboards for a time, that’s fantastic.
What do you feel have been key factors in shaping who you are today?
Colby alongside his fabulous Mother, Veronica.
My Mother, again, she will always be a recurring figure in my life. We had a conversation recently, and for those who don’t believe in the after life, hold your horses! But we had a conversation about two months ago or so, where I said, “You know Mom, I think I came into this world to help you. Whether it was helping to raise my sisters, something to fulfill later in life, being the older son, or being someone you could talk to.”
But it’s quite also in reverse as she’s the one who raised me. We share the same sense of humor and loud, love for music, and that would be her lasting imprint on me if there was any indication that I was Veronica Crossley’s son.
Also being kind to people. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve had adults of all sorts like teachers, strangers, my Mother, anyone come to me and say what a kind kid I am, and I don’t take that lightly. I genuinely digest that in a very strict, humbling manner because kindness goes beyond all boundaries of the world.
You can do away your enemies with kindness, make borders invisible with kindness, and make someone’s day by opening a door with kindness. My Mom taught me that. My Mom is the definition of kindness and generosity in general of that magnitude.
Probably another would be the movie, Shawshank Redemption. That might sound corny, but based on how you and I see it it’s damn true! What was set to be a simple English project for our grade 12 year ended up being an astounding, stunning piece of film that rocks my boat without any kind of remorse, in the best sense.
To the point that I was completely surrendered by the last line, “Get busy living or get busy dying.” And that is Goddamn right! Said by Morgan Freeman. I sat there on my couch and declared, “Yes sir! Yes sir!” And I decided to expand upon my sexuality by coming out as bisexual. But I mean it applies to so much more than that alone, it has applied to many aspects of my life. But that movie was so stunning.
Gosh, it left me speechless. You have a man who was convicted on a crime he never committed, spoiler alert 30 years later, and what throws me is that that movie bombed in the theatre but skyrocketed when it came out on VHS.
It just speaks volumes to me, that film. It’s one of the great stories that Stephen King wrote. It’s one of the great films Frank Darabont directed. From the cinematography, to the dialogue, to the actors’ contribution to the characters, to Red, to Danny Defrane, to Mr. Brooks, I mean come on you have to see it if you haven’t. I mean what have you been doing with your life if you haven’t? That movie was just fantastic.
That movie shook our worlds, that’s for sure. It became so much more than just a project like you said.
To the point that I had to go and buy it so I could watch it and properly digest it without the context of it being a project, because it is awesome. There are very few films where I have to have it. It says a lot if I have to go to the store, own it, and watch it again because it means it stunned me.
Colby alongside his fabulous sisters.
Another factor is going to be a little on the heavier side, just a heads up to the reader at hand. Being a kid you expect to have two parents. Unfortunately for me, or maybe fortunately for me, I only had my Mother, I never had a Dad. But I have had plenty of father figures in my life, whether they be long term boyfriends, fiances, or husbands of my Mother’s. There were different aspects to these relationships.
As a child, I sort of viewed things from a lens that most kids shouldn’t see. We talk about domestic violence or relationships that go beyond the bedroom walls, let’s say, and it can be traumatic for a kid like me who loves his Mother and just wants to be a kid.
Unfortunately I had to experience some very tumultuous relationships that my Mom endured as well, we both went through it on different levels. Fortunately for me, seeing the tragedies and hardships and endurance that my Mother had to go through and experience has made me a better man for it.
Rule #1, it’s sort of an unspoken rule but it has to be said, never hit a woman. And with all of that it just became one of those things where you kind of live through your family and you get what you are given, I guess. With that being said, the absence of my Father helped with this, because being older and more knowledgeable. I later on learned why he wasn’t in the picture, because he was partying, didn’t want kids, wasn’t ready to have kids, and because his Father left him, it became a generational thing and he couldn’t be what my Mother and I needed him to be.
Now fast forward years later as a twenty-eight year old, I can wholeheartedly say, without any kind of hesitance, that I am completely prepared to forgive my Father on his behalf. But also tell him that it’s ok, I get it. I didn’t actually know anything about him until I was about twelve years old and that’s when I started to meet some of my Dad’s relatives. I knew my Grandma, aunt, and cousin already, his family, but I didn’t know any of the rest of his extended family, and from there I got more of a story about who he was as a runaway, drug abuser, and on and on it goes.
But basically, even though I’ve endured negative shortcomings in my childhood, which is very detrimental for a young man if it’s not rectified and at least attempted to be repaired, I still feel like that showed me a lesson as what not to be, and yet I am completely open to having a relationship one day with my real Dad. So strangely enough, the absence of my Father has helped me become a man that knows his shortcomings and is willing to contend with them.
Out of all of that I still raised my sisters, walked from junior high school to my sister’s daycare, bused home with them, and then cooked supper for us kids till my Mom came home from work. For a couple years we did that everyday. If my Mom went out, I offered to watch the girls. It could have been a lot worse for me, and I’m not saying I need pity, because there are a lot worse circumstances that people endure. I think I actually have it pretty darn good despite what I just said, because I mean I’m sitting here talking with you.
That alone speaks volumes. Our friendship speaks volumes because I think we’re both good natured people and we mean well for the world. That’s a success right there and something worth celebrating over!
What do you feel have been some key habits in shaping who you are today?
I don’t know if I’m much of a habitual person or have many habits besides adhering to the day to day laws of going to work and coming home. I’m actually quite spontaneous. I do as I feel rather than do as I must. But that’s not to say that I do adhere to the axioms of my mind, the moral compass. I don’t kill people, that’s a start.
I would love to read everyday, but I don’t because I was never taught to read for pleasure, I was taught to read for school, for time. I had to read thirty minutes to reap a certain reward like playing video games and such.
So reading was such a drag. Of course I read Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Harry Potter, and all the rest, and some of it was for pleasure, but going from then to now at twenty-eight years old, I can probably count on two hands how many good books that have stuck with me that I’ve read. But I would love to read every night, I would love to read a half an hour to an hour of reading. That would be a great habit to have in general, and especially for my writing.
I guess one habit I do have is being tenacious in my writing. By that I mean, I’ve been drafting in my 20s. I don’t have anything published, I have submitted things, and then been rejected, and that’s fantastic. I love knowing that even if I fail, I can keep going. Failure is the best lesson for success. Tenacity, perseverance, staying true to yourself, and knowing when you’re at your limit. I don’t know how to define that as a habit but I feel like it is a habit, because it is a recurring thing in my life, being in my late 20s now.
I also feel like I’m finally getting somewhere that’s worthwhile and meaningful for myself, because I’ve been so meticulous in the design of my writing or even anything outside of that in my life. I do have a tenacity and an intellect, and I think that leads to good habits that I’ve benefited from.
But you know in school, I was told I had a learning disability in grade two, and so I was put into an alternative class in grade three where the curriculum was made easier for those of us in the class to understand.
My learning disability had to do with listening and speech, so I had all of these things that by definition weighed me down as a kid. It made me feel embarrassed and vulnerable then, but I actually don’t feel vulnerable talking about it for the first time in a while. It was later discovered that I actually just learned in a different way and it wasn’t so much that I had a learning disability.
So having these intellectual happenings occur, I feel like it’s sort of like going off roading for me. I don’t have to adhere to the pavement, I can go off on the beaten down, rugged path, because that’s who I am. I’m able to then transcend the boundaries so to speak. It has given me added insight and the roadmap to where I am now and how I came to be.
BONUS QUESTION FOR JANUARY
What is one thing that you want to change or achieve in this New Year of 2022?
Colby holding his constant life reference: Jordan Peterson’s book, 12 Rules For Life.
One thing that I hope to achieve is to finish a writing project, to its maximum completion. For it to be readable and out there somewhere, absolutely done. I feel like I’m on a good road in doing that, so that’s hopeful there.
One thing I hope to change that I’ve already started, but it’s a process, is to be in tune with myself more. What I mean by that is to know my flaws, to know my strengths and weaknesses, to really just continue that journey of working on myself.
Being a better boyfriend and person for Jacob, being there for my family in ways I feel like I haven’t been in the past or even right now as we speak, because as much as what I’ve said in this interview, there’s still such a long way to go.
Even knowing failure is getting a taste of success or a victory. Being able to admit when I’m wrong is a tough one for me. Admitting when I have screwed up, admitting when I made the wrong choice, that’s a big one for sure.
Another rule from Jordan Peterson’s book that I want to change is making friends who sometimes aren’t the best for me. Chapter 3 and Rule #3 is “Make Friends Who Want the Best for You”. Why that matters is that you could have a friend that seems like your friend but there’s more giving than receiving, not in the material sense but in a way that it could be a form of manipulation towards you.
I’ve experienced that and I opened up to this person, confidated in them as a confidant, but doing so ended up heavily backfiring on me in a public setting at a gathering. Information was shared that should not have been said to anyone. I misplaced my trust in this person. But again that was because I’m kind and generous, I have a listening ear to people who want to talk with me, I give people my time, and I wear my heart on my sleeve.
There comes a point in time where you have to draw the line in the sand and realize that some people aren’t the greatest, and it’s ok to make that decision to show them the door and to have them get out. That’s it! Because you need to make sure who you’re surrounded by and who you allow into certain parts of your life, that you’re both going to lift each other up. That there’s going to be that give and take of positive energy and that you’re going to the same place so to speak.
Because if there isn’t that trust and unity, then it’s not going to serve either one of you. But that can be hard, like you said, to make that choice, especially when you’re a kind, giving person who wants to be the friend to all. But it’s about separating the difference between being kind to people and having a solid village or community. You can be kind to everyone and have only a few, true friends.
I think that’s actually where I’m kind of heading, I have few friends but I can be kind to everyone. My friendships have to have boundaries because that’s healthy. And if you don’t that could be misguided that could be damaging down the road whatever the context is.
One more thing, in regards to change, going back to Jordan Peterson’s book again, is Chapter #9, Rule #9 is “Assume that the Person You are Listening to Might Know Something You Don’t”. I think I have done that in practice already, but to have a reminder of that is important. I can admit that I can judge people hardcore till the cows come home and I will make decisions based off of those judgements. I can make some very firm judgments in my head about people, their aura, their actions, what they say.
But it’s not until you sit down with that person and willingly engage with what they have to say, I tell you those are the times in my life where I have been shocked the most in the best sense. Because you find out something about that person or that group of people. Again I am the first to admit that I have been floored by what I found out about someone who I mischaracterized and have completely done a 180 degree turn to change and to learn from that.
It’s a painful mistake to learn from, but you learn from it eventually, and I think I’m better for it in the end. With the quote about not judging books by their covers, someone needs to reword that, because you are allowed to judge book covers themselves, that’s ultimately what sells them. But you shouldn’t judge people because we are not books. We are so much more than that. You don’t know what people are dealing with day to day. There are some that are truly suffering, but they go on and work hard and are wonderful people.
So to wrap it up here, with achieving, I want a project or two done this year. With changing, broad strokes and really checking in with myself and making sure I’m on that track, otherwise get back on there buddy! In all respect, I think these are the things that encapsulate my trajectory going forward in life as a person, as an individual, as Colby Crossley.
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Thank you for taking part in and reading my interview for my blog series, “Cheers to You, Oh Wonderful You” with Colby Crossley.
Behind the scenes, Colby and I had a ball of a time filled with laughter that even brought us to tears. But we also delved even deeper into conversations that got me checking myself, as well as being oh so grateful for our incredible friendship that we have shared since high school.
Now I’d love to hear from you, what is one thing that you have been grateful for this past week?
Comment below and please share this blog post if it has been of value to you or could be to someone else. 🤝
Also, if you have someone in mind that you think I should interview for this blog series, please let me know by contacting me either through my work email: stephanietracy26@gmail.com or my work Facebook page: Stephanie Tracy Writes.
**If you enjoyed this article, feel free to check out these other great & insightful posts:
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🎉https://stephanietracywrites.com/?s=Lana
About the Author
Hi there! I’m Stephanie Tracy, a freelance writer, blogger, and copy-editor for hire. I specialize in physical and mental health, parenting, and self-development. I create engaging, inspiring and useful content to help businesses progress in making their viewers into customers. When I’m not writing, you can find me happily playing with my toddler, walking in the park with my family, or indulging in a movie marathon with my husband.