Being a Mom, let alone a toddler Mama, has been the hardest thing I’ve ever loved to do. Let’s be real, parenthood comes with its share of challenges, frustrations, and overwhelm, but along with that has come a heart full of love, joy, and has made my life truly come alive.
Motherhood has taught me a lot about myself, has shown me through the day to day happenings the do’s and don’ts of the kind of Mom I want to be for my kiddo and the person I want to be for myself. It has also changed my perspective for the better in a very real, humbling, and beautiful way.
Each phase and stage of parenting thus far has been laced with endless lessons to enlighten, teach, and if I allow it the chance, has helped my life to be better and brighter, come what may.
I would love to share with you at least 20 lessons I’ve learned from being a toddler’s Mama so far. In sharing I hope that it will open your eyes to some friendly reminders of your own to better see the good and beauty of parenthood found even amidst the messy bits.
1) Remind Them Who They Are.
The first few years of a child’s life is crucial to their development, confidence, and self-worth. So taking the time to mindfully remind them that they are of worth and are important is a must!
It can be so easy in the hustle and bustle of the day or in the confusion and craziness of the world we live in, for our children to wonder who they are and feel lost or overwhelmed. Yes parents, we may feel this sometimes ourselves, but we need to be there to support and reaffirm to our children that they have purpose, no matter how small, and are of great worth, always. It is not conditional.
Knowing who they are starts with us as our children’s parents and brings about great strength, an awareness of their self-worth, what they’re capable of, and of their impact on reaching out to others in a meaningful way.
I read a powerful quote from Kristina Kuzmic where she said, “Your child is not supposed to be who you envisioned them to be. Your child is supposed to be exactly who they are. Our job is to guide them, not change them. Celebrate their authenticity”.
That kind of power can turn “I think I can” to “I know I can, so I shall”. Plus, instilling this kind of power will no doubt bring a greater awareness and newfound strength within us as parents as well. Positivity reaps positivity.
2) Utilize & Lean on Your Community.
The longer I’m a parent, the longer the phrase “it takes a village to raise a child” rings more and more true for me. My personal knowledge, experience, and parental intuition can only take me so far in rearing and raising my child. It is not weakness or a sign of lack reaching out for help or insight, it is a sign of strength and healthy reliance.
When we utilize and lean on our community, whether that’s found within our families, our friends, our neighbors, our child’s pediatrician or other healthcare providers, books, or what have you, we are then given options to consider, we are lifted and enabled, and made more confident to be the parent that our child(ren) need.
We must also be sure that we allow trusted, insightful, and truly helpful sources into our circle that want what’s best for us and our child(ren), and respect and support our journey in parenting along the way.
Nothing has meant more to me than knowing that I have good people in my corner who help me know that I am capable and are there to see my child and I through well.
3) Take Time to Care for Yourself, So You Can Better Care for Them.
With how demanding parenting is, let alone life overall, it can be hard to even think of scheduling in some time to care for yourself. And no I’m not talking about simply taking a shower or doing a chore uninterrupted. You need time to unwind, to fill your cup, and to breathe so that you can be the parent and person you want to be.
Scheduling in that time is just as important as everything else. They don’t tell you to put a mask on yourself first before anyone else when you are flying on an airplane for nothing. If you were to help someone else before yourself, you’d be useless. The same goes for caring for yourself on a regular basis as a parent and person.
You are not a machine. You are a human being who deserves to be cared for too. Just as you see the worth in caring for your child(ren) or others, you must work towards seeing yourself as being worthy of being cared for so that you can better care for others.
A couple of ways that I do this is either while my toddler naps or before bed, I take at least ten to fifteen minutes to read. Taking time to read a good book and not stare at a screen or worry about anything else allows my brain to exhale and relax.
Another way is I take time either first thing in the morning before my little one is up or after he’s gone to bed, and as long as my husband is home, is to go for a walk around the block or just sit in my rocking chair on my back porch. Sometimes I listen to music while I do this and sometimes I walk or sit in silence. Again allowing my brain to unwind and taking in the fresh air allows for my heart to feel relief and such peace.
I invite you to find at least one way you can care for yourself on a daily or weekly basis, and then notice the difference as you do so.
4) Reading is a Source of Learning, Imagination, & Connection.
Reading is honestly one of my favorite things to do for myself and with my kiddo. It opens doors to the wonderful world around us, its many possibilities, the people around us, fun ideas and stories, and most importantly, it allows time for slowing down and connecting with your child(ren).
There’s a reason why I’ve made quite a few articles, and will continue to write, about the benefits of reading with your children and what books I’ve been reading personally and as a family.
Reading time is time that matters and that you should show by your attitude matters to you too. By your example, it will become infectious to your kids to read and to spend that cherished time with you. Don’t make reading a chore, choose to make it a joy.
There’s just something so magical, cozy, and grounding about reading a good book with your child that creates a deeper bond and makes both of your worlds a little brighter.
5) Just Dance.
One of my favorite ways to move is through dance. I used to do it as a form of exercise and entertainment being a theater kid, but now I mostly just do it from the comfort of my home or at a party/gathering because it simply makes me happy.
My little one is one of my absolute favorite dance partners and we’ve been doing it since he was just a wee babe. Once a day when I can feel there’s a bit of a lull or my kiddo says he’s bored, either I’ll put on a playlist or a favorite CD, or I’ll even have him choose some music and we have a mini dance party.
We giggle, we move, we groove and we have such a grand ole’ time! Sharing my love of music and dancing with my little guy fills my heart, and I can tell from the huge smile on his face that it does the same amount of good for him.
Dancing lets go of any negativity, makes for great memories, gets the heart pumping, and once again deepens that connection between my kiddo and I that I know will serve us well now and in the future as he grows up.
6) Don’t Micromanage Every Part of Their World. 
As parents, it is up to us to mainly lead and guide our children throughout their lives. We create and set routines, encourage them to try new things, we teach them, but just as important is to also give them the space to try on their own.
Micromanaging every aspect of their lives will not give them the tools and opportunities to explore and to develop in ways that they need to do uninterrupted. Let them enjoy their own company, allow them to learn and to do with no hurry or rules, in a safe manner of course, and allow them chances to thrive and to learn on their own terms.
This is something I’m still trying to better implement into my own parenting. It comes with time, a little research, and from experience, but one thing that I have found is when we are outside, instead of hounding questions or suggestions on my kiddo when he’s playing, being silent and giving him space to process has been great for him. I’m still within reach for safety purposes and it’s also fun for me as a parent to see his mind problem solve, his imagination come to life, and to see the joy and satisfaction that comes from accomplishing something on his own, without my help.
Plus allowing time in our child’s day to not be bombarded with things to do or places to go helps to lessen tension or anxiety and opens the door for them to freely play, create, and enhance skills and confidence in who they are, uninterrupted.
7) Express Your Love For Them Often. 
Nothing means more to anyone, let alone a child, than to know that they are loved and to have it expressed often. Not just when it’s convenient or under certain conditions, but sincerely and always.
When I discipline my child, I make a mistake, or something out of the norm happens, I make sure to immediately let my child know that no matter what has taken place that doesn’t mean I love him any less. I love him when he makes mistakes. I love him when I make mistakes. I love him when life is hard and when life is good. I love him when he learns something new and exciting. I love him when he gets hurt or confused. I love him now and I love him always, and I make sure he hears it and he sees it often.
Aside from saying it often, I make sure to show him I love him by looking at him when he’s talking. I come down to his level to help him know that I’m right there with him and that he matters. When I take time to play, wrestle, tickle, and do something that he enjoys doing. When I stop and cuddle with him while he watches a show and just be with him.
I heard it said recently that marketing and people make us think that our children need toys and stuff to be smarter, happier, and better people, when really at the end of the day what they really need is us, their parents. They need our time and our love to truly be smart, happy, and better people, and to thrive in this ever-changing, crazy, yet wonderful world we live in.
We need our love to be their constant.
8) Explaining So They Understand, Not Just For You to be Heard.
It can be easy for us as adults with our years of experience to forget not to compare our life experience and understanding compared to that of our little ones. Even if we’ve told them over and over, repetition, especially at this age, is essential for their knowledge bank to grow.
As we discipline, ask things of our children, and go about our day to day happenings, it’s important for us to explain what or why something is taking place to prepare and teach them. We need to be sure to explain simply so they can understand, not simply for us to be heard.
Once we explain something to our children, it is important to then ask if they understand or if they have any questions or concerns. Yes this may take some time, but this enhances confidence, connection, communication skills, and reassurance in themselves and strengthens their relationship with you.
As they get older, you could even go a step further and ask them if they want the simple version or a more in depth version of what or why something is taking place or for an explanation to something. And as outlined before, then ask if they understand, and aren’t just mindlessly listening, so as to benefit everyone involved.
9) How You Act or React Matters.
As your children grow, what they see they do. You can tell them to behave or act a certain way, but the greatest teacher will be the example you set for them. For example, if you tell them to do one thing and then they see you doing the opposite, it will only confuse them and make them more liable to not listen. It’ll make them question, “If you’re not going to do this, then why should I follow through?”
I have found parenting has been a humbling, self-check opportunity with how I behave and the character that I show forth. I’m not always on my A game, we’re all human, but it is just as important to hold ourselves accountable just as we do towards our children.
This takes some deep self-check inward as well as great mindfulness and discipline on our part in how we act and react. So if for example you tell your child to take a few deep breaths when they feel angry or overwhelmed, make the decision beforehand that when you get angry or overwhelmed that you’ll take a few deep breaths yourself.
Mirroring healthy behavior will teach them and even do a world of good for you. Now when you slip up, because we are all human, even talk with them about that. Explain how you have big emotions that you’re trying to sort out, don’t be afraid to show them you’re human, that adults make mistakes too but it’s what we do about it that matters. Being an example of forgiveness towards themselves and others, that we can try again, and so on will be a huge teaching tool in how they learn and develop.
10) Encourage Them to Explore, Play, & Learn.
I have heard many quotes about the need for children to be outdoors and the great teaching tool playing towards children’s development and well-being is indeed extraordinary. Playing and being outdoors does a world of good for their learning about the world around them, enhances their skills and abilities, strengthens their mental health, and allows them to better come into their own, especially when it can be done without always being consumed by four walls all the time.
I can tell the difference between the days that my little one gets to be outside vs. when we don’t go outside. When we spend more time outside there is a greater sense of peace and of joy in our attitudes and in the aura of our home overall. When we don’t go outside, everyone seems to be on edge and overwhelmed. I opt for the outdoors every time.
Allowing ample time to be outdoors to explore and to play is one of the best gifts you can give to your child and to yourself. Allow for moments to play and connect together, but also allow them space to play, to pause, and to just be on their own as well.
Have planned playtime but also encourage time for them to be bored and to use their imaginations. Let them create. Let them be messy. Let them learn. Let them be kids.
11) Involve Them. Allow Them to Help Too.
I’ve found with my toddler that he is so curious how everything works, in what I am doing, and is more than happy to help and take part in what I’m up to as well. Rather than brushing him aside or seeing this as an inconvenience, allowing him to get involved has made for great teaching opportunities, growth in skills, an increased curiosity and love for the world around him, and an increase in our bond as parent and child.
Yes, some tasks that we take on together could be done much faster, better, and in a cleaner manner in some cases, but encouraging and involving him allows for him to be more capable, builds his confidence and awareness, and is a greater benefit for him overall than simply accomplishing a task on my to-do list.
That time with my toddler has become cherished time together and not something I overlook or undervalue, and neither should you. Bring a chair over when you are cooking or baking for them to watch and take part in the fun of creating. Scoot over on the piano bench and let them sing and play along with you. Let them sweep, mop, or vacuum and turn it into a game.
Involve them in the day to day tasks and happenings to expand their minds and your connection with them.
12) Find More Reasons to Laugh than to Yell.
Parenting is all encompassing, all consuming, and is oh so demanding, which can be overwhelming when you pair the world’s expectations along with yours. Plus if you are having an off day it can be all too easy to react and call it a day, or to want nothing more than to be left alone. Which can be quite the challenge in itself when you’re a parent.
Parenting can all too soon, if we don’t check ourselves and reevaluate it’s true worth and value, become this serious task that can at times bring out the worst in ourselves instead of our best, even if it’s all done with good intention.
Dear fellow parents, for the good of your kids and yourself, please choose to find the lighter side of parenting. Yes there’s the need to discipline, to keep a home in order, and yes what we do can be hard, but that doesn’t mean you need to take yourself too seriously and that doesn’t mean your example of parenting and life as a whole needs to be all work and no play. Quite the opposite.
When we choose to act with kindness and control, rather than reacting with a degrading, even immature manner, we are not doing anyone any favors. Take a moment to breathe if you need to, realign yourself, and try again, and don’t dwell on the difficult situation at hand but loosen it up by making a silly noise, or having a tickle fight, or simply cuddling and singing to your little one.
Your example matters towards your children’s upbringing, plus when you choose to find reasons to laugh and choose to lean on the lighter side of life and parenting it will do you a world of good for your mental health and the overall environment of your home. Take the time to become more aware in finding reasons to laugh rather than to yell or in finding ways to lighten your parenting role rather than taking it far too seriously.
13) Share the Things that You Love(d).
From the moment he was born, I was more than thrilled to share some of my favorite things with my baby boy. I had him watch my favorite movies like Pride & Prejudice, Mary Poppins, and You’ve Got Mail. I read to him some of my favorite childhood books as we laid on our backs on blankets. I would take him on walks to some of my favorite routes and places. I would dance with him to some of my favorite artists and tell him who we were listening to and why I enjoyed their music.
Over time as he’s gotten older, I’ve introduced him to Magic School Bus (the original), books I loved at his age like Adventures with Toad & Frog or The Monster at the End of This Book, and we play on the piano and with bubbles to our hearts content.
Yes your children as they grow up will evolve into their own people and have their own interests, and it’s oh so important to take note of and have a sincere interest in what they come to enjoy, but that doesn’t mean you need to hold back on what gives you joy, what you love or loved during your growing up years, and being willing to share who you are with them.
This life is meant to be enjoyed, not simply endured, and even as you became a parent, you are still you. Don’t hold back your true colors, the fact that you are a human with individual interests with your children. As you share yourself with them, they’ll no doubt think it’s fun, and they may not like everything you love, but the mere act of sharing with them will mean the world to them.
Some of my fondest memories growing up was when my parents shared the things they loved with us kids. It made my bond with them so much stronger and nurtured my curiosity, love for learning, and love for life from them taking that kind of time to share who they were with us.
14) The House Can Wait.
Now before you roll your eyes much more or have a panic attack, I’ll be the first to say that I am the kind of person that if my home is out of order and not just so that it affects my mental health and well-being. My home isn’t a museum, but I have a personal expectation of how I want my home to be, to be lived in yet tidy and enjoyable for all who abide in it.
With that being said, I also know that there are some days that having eyes to see is necessary in being a mindful parent. There will be days that spending some extra time playing with my child so that their cup of love and affection is filled, is far more important than doing the dishes. There will be days that cuddling my sick child is far more important than folding the laundry. There will be days that going on adventures and having quality family time is far more important than cleaning and organizing. Those moments of care, awareness, connection, and love far outweigh my home.
It doesn’t mean that I never clean, organize, tidy, declutter, homemake, or care for my home and become a slob. It means that each day I choose to put my child and his needs first above all else. Your children won’t always be at home, but the housework will always be there. The house can wait. The time with your children is fleeting. Choose your children.
15) Quiet Time/Nap Time is the Best Time.
As I write this my little one is currently napping. This time to myself allows me to work, to clean, to relax, to regroup, and to just be. One of the many pieces of advice I was given when I was first expecting was to nap when the baby naps. I thought that that was the silliest thing I’d ever heard. But oh how true that statement was!
Nap time, and later on quiet time, is a wonderful time to allow your mind to decompress, for you to get things done as needed, but also to be aware that sometimes the most important thing that needs to be done is the need to rest.
Whether that is taking a nap yourself, meditating, reading, listening to a favorite playlist and sitting by an open window, working on a creative project, taking time for a hobby, watching an episode of a show or movie of your choosing, sitting outside on your front or back porch to let your mind wander and dream, whatever your flavor of choice, mindfully decide what you truly need to do that day during nap time or quiet time.
Prioritize for your best good. Advocate for yourself. Embrace that time so that you can continue to be the best parent you can be, whatever that might look like from day to day. Plus there have been a time or two that has even meant having a nap with my little one, which I won’t say no to extra cuddles while I can still get them with my little boy.
16) The Outdoors is a Lifesaver & a Great Regroup Tool.
Being outdoors is one of my kiddos favorite places to be. Whether we go on a walk around our neighborhood or out for a hike, being on our back porch on our rocking chairs having a snack or playing with his trucks by our tomato plant, going to the playground, splashing in puddles, crunching through leaves, throwing snowballs, catching raindrops on his tongue, if we can be outdoors he is happy as can be, and I have to say that I am right there with him.
Children need more than four walls to thrive, they need to be allowed exploration, play, and freedom where there are no walls, but endless possibilities. One of my favorite quotes about parenting I heard recently was from Angela Hanscom who said, “The outdoors offers limitless potential to young children. It becomes a place where they can go to relax their mind, to be inspired and to deep dive into the world of imagination. It’s a place where they can design, create, and explore. The possibilities are endless.”
I find that anytime tensions are high, when anyone is on edge, or restless, that it is because we haven’t been outdoors or need a greater dosage for our well-being. The outdoors allows for rest and play, for research and curiosity to thrive, for children to be children and to more fully love life.
We can breathe a little better, be a little kinder, and at the end of the day sleep a little better when we allow for and encourage time outdoors. The outdoors is a great regroup tool and is the best use of time, play, and development. Opt for less time on devices and indoors, and more time outdoors. It truly will be a lifesaver for everyone.
17) Have Fun with Your Little Ones Often.
Just as important as allowing your children ample time to play and explore on their own and socialize with others, is to take time to play with them yourself. Setting aside time to play with your children is a great way to connect and make memories together, but it is also a great way to enhance their skills, to feel loved and of value, and will enhance their confidence and well-being.
It can be planned fun like going to the playground and playing tag or swinging together, or building castles from blocks or cardboard boxes, or splashing in puddles, or coloring or playing with play-doh, or going to the trampoline park and jumping together.
Or it can be spontaneous fun like making a blanket nest or fort out of fresh blankets and linens from the dryer, or starting a dance party when a fun song comes up on your playlist, or chasing them around the house and having a tickle fight after finishing a couple chores.
Any time that you fill their time and affection cups, the happier they will be and the more loved they will feel, and not to mention you’ll feel pretty amazing yourself.
Playing with your child adds joy, helps to build a strong relationship between the two of you, can heal any hurt they may be experiencing, and strengthens their trust and allows them to feel safe. Creating a safe environment is essential to your child’s well-being and upbringing, so be sure to mindfully set aside time to play, one on one and altogether as a family often.
18) Do Not Meet Negative with Negative.
Tantrums, as rough as they are for all involved, are a part of your child’s emotional growth and development. They don’t have them for the sake of being bad or to throw you off. It’s their way of unloading big emotions they don’t know what to do with, when they are feeling overwhelmed, feeling a lack of control, or feeling tired or hungry. Let’s be honest, how many times have we seen adults fly off the handle and we expect children to have it all together?
Being little can be hard and is a lot of work and learning. We as their parents need to be their advocates and be in control as best as we can. It doesn’t mean we should completely allow them to act however, whenever, consequences and discipline are necessary in parenting. However, it’s how we meet them where they are and how we choose to act that is important.
We need to choose beforehand that we are not going to add to the chaos, but add peace and especially understanding where they are at. As we keep level heads and open hearts, it’ll allow our children to feel safe with us in sharing their emotions and teach them how to manage those emotions in a healthy, constructive manner.
We all have our off days, but that is all the more reason to turn those into teaching moments and to apologize. Meeting negative with negative is never helpful.
19) You’re Doing Better Than You Think.
If you are trying to be the parent your child needs and deserves, you’re doing better than you think. If you are striving to take time to create a home where they can create, feel safe, feel loved, and feel heard, you’re doing better than you think. If you set aside time with your child to listen, to play, and to be together, you’re doing better than you think.
If you are striving to express love to them often and show that your love for them is not conditional, you’re doing better than you think. If you are taking time to heal, better, and care for yourself so that you can be a better you and in turn a better parent, you’re doing better than you think. If you are simply trying, hear me when I say that you are doing better than you think.
Dear parents, parenting is no small feat. You showing up starting first thing in the morning to late at night and every hour in between matters and is of worth. You are your child’s world and greatest example, which can feel oh so daunting and humbling, but as you take this journey one day, one hour, one moment at a time, and allow yourself time and grace, it will all work out in the end.
The days can seem long but the years are truly so short. Utilize resources and your community as you may need them, keep trying, keep loving, and know that you are enough and that you can do this.
Don’t compare yourself to other parents, to what society throws at you as unhealthy and unrealistic expectations. Only compare how you did yesterday to today, and look at it as an opportunity to improve not degrade yourself. We all make mistakes, but it’s what we do about those mistakes that matters.
Believe me when I say again that you are doing better than you think. Your love for your child(ren) is enough. Don’t give up.
20) Breathe.
I’m a huge advocate for taking a moment to just breathe. Taking a few deep breaths to realign, to calm down, or to just be more present in the moment is a huge help. It may seem so simple but it is oh so effective. Just give it a try.
If you are feeling tense, pause and breathe. If you are about to speak an unkind or unproductive word, pause and breathe. If you are about to yell and lose your cool, pause and breathe. If you are overcome by the tasks before you, pause and breathe. If you are feeling touched out and spent, pause and breathe. If you are feeling like you are not enough and can’t do it, pause and breathe. If you are feeling out of touch and lost from the moment in front of you, pause and breathe. If you want to take a mental snapshot of the fun, beautiful, happy moment you find yourself in, pause and breathe it in.
Taking a moment to breathe won’t solve all of your problems or make them go away or make a good moment last forever, but it can help you to make a better choice than what you might have made, it can help you problem-solve, and it can help you to better appreciate where you are.
Breathing allows you to take control, to cool the mental engines so to speak, decreases stress and increases a feeling of calm and of peace, and strengthens your awareness, which then allows you to better process where you are and where you want to go from here. Taking time to breathe can alleviate the overwhelm and intensity of how you’re feeling to better move ahead well.
Breathing will serve you as a person and as a parent to better show up for yourself and for your children, so that you can better capture the moments that matter most, let go of what is not worth your time and energy, and to keep moving forward with confidence, with mindfulness, and with strength of mind and heart. You’ve got this dear parent!
Dear Parents
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, being a parent is the hardest thing I’ve ever loved to do. It has stretched me in ways like nothing else ever has, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
My child has pushed my buttons and my limits every so often, has made me lose a good amount of sleep, and has driven me crazy at times. But my child has also filled my days and my heart with so much love and purpose that has given me countless reasons to laugh, to smile, and to more fully embrace this beautiful life and role as a parent. My child is such a gift. Being his Mama is such a gift.
I’m grateful for the lessons learnt thus far, and I know I’ll relearn those same lessons over and over again in greater depth with each phase of parenting and season of life to come. I know we’ll continue to learn and to grow as parent and child together, and so shall you.
Let us make a conscious effort to look out for one another in the parenting world. Let us raise kind, mindful human beings that will do the same. Let us keep trying, trying, and trying again for the good of our children and the world they are a part of. Let us choose to look in the mirror and choose to tell that person looking back that they can, they will, and that they are of worth.
You’ve got this dear parents! You’ve got this.
Now I’d love to hear from you: what has been the best and hardest part about parenting so far for you?
Please comment below and share this article if it has been of value to you or could be to someone else.
**If you enjoyed this article, feel free to check out these other great & insightful posts:
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🎉https://stephanietracywrites.com/the-importance-joy-of-reading-with-your-child-plus-a-list-of-25-of-our-familys-current-favorite-childrens-books/
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About the Author
Hi there! I’m Stephanie Tracy, a freelance writer, blogger, and copy-editor for hire. I specialize in physical and mental health, parenting, and self-development. I create engaging, inspiring and useful content to help businesses progress in making their viewers into customers. When I’m not writing, you can find me happily playing with my toddler, walking in the park with my family, or indulging in a movie marathon with my husband.